Spiritual Journey (7)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (6)

This is probably one of my favorite journal entries leading to my trip to Haiti. It speaks to the provisions of God for His children.

On that night I remember being overwhelmed with emotion. Should I get up and do a happy dance for Jesus; or should I fall to my knees and cry with joy? I think I might have done both :)


Journal Entry: 4/22/13

Matthew 6: 25-33

This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into them. Aren't you worth more than they? So don't worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God always has a way of coming through. Worry is what I do; it's what I'm best at. One of the biggest reasons I almost backed out of going to Haiti was financial reasons. My income barely pays the bills and sometimes I have to utilize savings to get through the rest of the month. When I had to use savings to put tires on my car it was a huge blow. I also lost a source of some extra income I had coming in each month. My bills started falling behind. A few unexpected medical bills and Satan almost had me giving up.

However, God promises me He will give me what I need if I seek the kingdom of God and righteousness... And tonight He came through!

I was opening my stack of mail and found three wonderful surprises. First, I received my second rebate card from the purchase of the tires. Maybe I can use that to buy the supplies I need or to finally finish a couple projects. Then I opened up something from my mortgage company to find a check from the overage on my escrow account. And the best part, my house payment is going down $30 per month!

Woohoo!

Praise Jesus!

I remember when that payment went up I wondered how I would ever do it. Just think two years ago God had plans to use it to bless me now!

I am so blessed; my cup runneth over. I don't deserve this kind of mercy, but my Father loves me so much He meets my needs anyway.

Spiritual Journey (6)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (5)

The journal entry I'm sharing today was my prayer in my spiritual journey to Haiti back on that particular day. And it is a prayer I continue to have today. Lord, make me broken, make me empty, make me lonely.


Journal Entry: 4/21/13

As I'm preparing for Haiti I'm trying to focus on the spiritual journey. God has revealed so much to me about spiritual warfare, prayer, and vulnerability. I know, without a doubt, that this trip is also about what I can learn so that I can be used to do things effectively for God. I don't know that I will see miracles happen or even one person will come to know Him because of anything I do. But I do strive for obedience, for humility, for a closer relationship than I've ever had before.

"Keep Making Me"

by Sidewalk Prophets

 

Make me broken

So I can be healed

Cause I'm so calloused

And now I can't feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken

 

Make me empty

So I can be filled

Cause I'm still holding

On to my will

And I'm completed

When you are with me

Make me empty

 

Til You are my one desire

Til You are my one true love

Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me

 

Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

Cause in the darkness

I know You will  hold me

Make me lonely

In order to find greater peace I must first be broken; in order to find greater fulfillment I need to be empty; and in order to find greater joy in Him I must first visit loneliness.

Spiritual Journey (5)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (4)

The journal entry I'm sharing today speaks to a major lesson that the Lord has been teaching me this year... It's okay to be vulnerable.

In preparation for my trip to Haiti I had to practice this many times. This was one of those days...


Journal Entry: 4/16/13

Tonight I had dinner with Theresa from church. She is someone I've always felt a special connection with. So I wanted to tell her about everything that has been happening.

 

I talked about my depression and Satan's recent attacks that almost kept me from going to Haiti. It was so nice to have someone say they understand and to encourage me. She didn't judge me but shared some of her own challenges.

 

I always have fear of being vulnerable because I might appear weak. As a Christian I shouldn't be depressed. As a Social Worker I should set better boundaries for myself. But that's not at all the response I got.

 

God is teaching me that it's okay to be more vulnerable with people. I don't always have to be perfect. I don't always have to have it all together.

 

Theresa agreed to be a prayer partner for my trip. She stated she was going to pray that this trip would change my life. Oh Lord, help me to accept the answer to that prayer! Theresa's husband has also been to Haiti before so she is aware of how difficult this trip could be and how Satan will fight against it.

 

I'm definitely thankful for her! And I'm thankful that God is giving me courage.