Sleeplessness

I have developed quite the difficulty sleeping.  Some people might say that's what happens when you get older.  Some people would say it's due to stress.  A question I usually ask others is 'what are you thinking about?' because worry often keeps people awake at night.  For me, it might be all of these things.  I've always been one of those people that requires a lot of sleep in order to function and I really enjoy sleeping.  So, this problem bothers me!

The last couple months I've had some problems getting to sleep.  My mind begins to wander from one random thought to the next.  I sometimes think about all the things I didn't get done that day.  Paranoia also settles in.  As I lay there praying for sleep to come, every noise can send my mind into a tailspin of bad things that could happen to me.  The brain is a dangerous organ when it gets out of control!  I convince myself that someone's outside or someone's going to try to get into my house.  Then sometimes I awake suddenly in the middle of the night.  This is quite the mystery, because how does your brain go from resting to awakening anxiety?! 

I've used Melatonin, but that's not very effective anymore.  I really don't like to take medication, but when I get desperate there's the occasional Tylenol PM.  I've tried reading, but I'm still not at a place where I enjoy it.  And when nothing seems to work, I move to the couch and allow the TV to distract my mind. 

Last week I actually made it to the gym multiple times.  It worked!  I was going to use the excuse that I was too tired to go because of my lack of sleep.  It's a good thing I went because I slept better!  I'm not saying I slept great, just better.  It still took me some time to get to sleep, and I still woke up a few times throughout the night.  But the level of anxiety I felt during those times was a lot less. 

I suppose I need to work on my state of mindfulness.  I remember what my parents would say when I would get up to tell them I couldn't sleep.... Go to bed.  Close your eyes.  Lay very still.  Think of something peaceful and happy....

Happy Beginnings

Today was a special day and a happy beginning for a very special family.  My cousin, Krista, and her husband, Derrick, finalized the adoption of their little girl!  Typically when I'm in family court it is work related and not fun.  But today I was in court for personal reasons.  I witnessed Krista's lifelong dream of becoming a mother come true.  Fortunately,  I could not see Krista's face during this process or I would have been a basket case! 

Their story in a nutshell...  Krista and Derrick have been married for almost 8 years.  Due to a childhood illness Krista is not able to conceive.  But I've never met a couple that is more destined to have children.  Baby K is quite literally a blessing from God.  She is also blessed with parents that would give anything for her, and did.  Tonight Derrick repeated a statement from the judge that the child was theirs just as if they had given birth to her. That was truly music to their ears and a statement that will no doubt ring true for the rest of their lives. 

This adorable family is already praying and thinking forward to the next child that God is preparing for them.  The journey has just begun!  "For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition..." 1 Samuel 1:27

This is a picture taken when they first brought Baby K home.  I don't think they could be any happier!

She is a very happy and blessed baby!!!

The mind in tragedy

I witnessed tragedy today, and I was awful close to being a part of that tragedy if I had gone through the intersection just 2 seconds later.  Since it happened behind me, I did not witness the actual impact.  I did witness the aftermath.  My heart is heavy for the sweet elderly lady that lost her son today.  I wonder how she's doing and how she dealt with the news.  And I wish I could do more to help.

I've been thinking today about how people deal with tragedy.  When adrenaline kicks in, you do what is necessary in the moment.  At the same time, I think the brain manages to block out what is impossible to deal with until a more manageable time.  The mind can manipulate information in order for coping to be possible.  And yet we are each different in how this coping occurs.

Tragedy, unfortunately, is a part of life.  How do you deal with it?

Sports Entertainment

I am actually one of those girls that enjoy sporting events.  Even if it's a sport that I don't understand there is something about the atmosphere that intrigues me.  The person next to you is a stranger but family at the same time.  People are willing to throw caution to the wind, exposing their goofy side and sometimes their body parts painted in team colors. You're allowed to yell and scream as loud as you want. You're allowed to dance whether you have rhythm or not. And you're allowed to sit quietly and observe the performances.  There are people of all ages, male and female, of different races, with different hair styles, with different clothing choices, some families, some couples, some are with the guys, some are with the girls, and on occasion some are by themselves. 

Obviously I am an expert at people watching.  A sporting event is the perfect opportunity for me to be entertained for hours.  Depending on the sport, and how much I know about it, I am equally entertained by the athletes.  I feel like I can tell a lot about a person depending on the way they act.  I look at whether they are team players or a one man show.  Do they extend sportsmanship to opposing parties or do they need to keep themselves separated to maintain a competitive edge?  I watch the ways they carry themselves in victory and defeat. 

If you really want to see me get passionate about a game, it definitely needs to be basketball.  I love basketball.  However, I can never seem to find anyone that wants to attend these events with me or that enjoys it as much as I do.  I've decided I need to become comfortable with attending sporting events alone, at least until I find someone that shares my interest.

Give a Girl the Right Shoes

It is true; the right pair of shoes can make a woman feel powerful.  I dug out a pair of white and black plaid heels today that I rarely seem to wear.  The shoes accompanied with my hair actually doing what I wanted it to made me feel confident and sassy.  I had two difficult meetings today and was worried the witch hat was going to have to come out.  However, both meetings went fairly smooth.  I am not proposing that the day was a success because of my shoes.  I am saying that the right pair of shoes make you feel good.  Feeling good about yourself can lead to an attitude that the world can be conquered!

And so it begins...

I have contemplated starting a blog for some time.  What would be the purpose of my blog?  Who would want to read my blog?  What kind of things would I write about?  These are all good questions, but I don't have any good answers.  I know there are days that my mind is swimming with thoughts and topics.  But before I get the chance to write them down, my mind has raced forward ten steps.  There isn't one specific topic that I have to write about either (fashion, family, relationships, spirituality, etc.)  All of these things enter my life on a daily basis.  If I'm trying to share pieces of myself in my blog, I will be writing about everything. 

As to who is going to read my blog, perhaps no one.  I hope to be able to communicate my thoughts in a way that can be easily understood.  I also hope that I'm not alone.  There are times that thoughts cross my mind and I wonder 'does anyone else feel this way?'  'Am I the only one that has these thoughts?'  I know the answer is no.  So perhaps my thoughts, rational or not, can help others not feel alone.  That means if I reveal something embarrassing you can not laugh at me, at least not where I can hear it!  A second purpose, even if no one reads my blog, is to somehow organize my random thoughts.  If I get them out of my head maybe they'll stop randomly coming into consciousness.  Okay, they probably won't :)

Don't misunderstand me, I won't be serious all the time.  There may be days that my writing is completely irrelevant, like something absolutely adorable my cat did that day.  And there may be days that I don't write anything at all.  To be honest, it's going to take overcoming fear of making myself vulnerable for this to be successful.  I will also have to put aside my perfectionist tendencies to proofread and rewrite something over and over and over.... 

And so my blogging adventure has begun.  If you are willing to take this journey with me, I welcome the company.  If not, there are no negative feelings.