Single Woman: How Did I Get Here?

Let's just say I've always been... different, unique, perhaps abnormal to some people...

I was not a normal child. I hated to upset my parents. I hated to ask for anything, even money. And I was not obsessed with boys. (This made life a little easier on mom and dad.)

Sure, I had crushes here and there. I went out on dates; I occasionally had a boyfriend. But having boyfriends, or not having boyfriends, was not my focus as a teenager. I had school/grades, band, color guard, volleyball, basketball, national honor society, prom committee, a part-time job, a trip to Europe, and youth group to keep me busy. I always joked that when I went to school it was dark, and when I left school it was dark. Who had time for dating and boys?!?

Finding the right college and establishing a career path took precedence over boys. Planning my future was number one priority.

So, how did I get to be a single 30-year-old woman? I think it starts there... I wasn't interested.

After high school, I went to a Christian college. Just like every Christian college in the nation, the running joke was that girls went there to get a MRS degree. With strong willed determination, I refused to follow that cultural expectation.

My answer to the above belief has always been: Being a wife and mother is the most important job I will ever have, but it is not the only job I will ever have.

I did have a serious boyfriend during my sophomore and junior years of college. However, it was made very clear that I wouldn't even think about marriage until after I finished school. After receiving my Bachelor's degree, the plan was to go straight to graduate school. That meant that the idea of marriage would not be a possibility until well into my mid-20's.

In the conservative Christian world this concept seems foreign. It seems to be an unspoken belief that a woman's purpose is to marry and begin having children. Add to that the fact that I live in the Midwest and I have a double whammy!

Many of  my girlfriends in college held becoming a wife and mother a top value in their lives, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I'm jealous of where their life path has taken them compared to mine. It just was not a strong value in my life.

I'll say it... I'm complicated! There are many, many, many things I want to do and be in my life. If anyone tries to limit me, I can throw a fit and dig my heels in with the best of them.

I posses the natural desire God gave us for companionship. I definitely do not lack a woman's instinct to be a caretaker. But I don't fit in a pretty little box.

My relationship in college ended very badly, which led to additional reasons why I'm currently single. (I think this is another topic for another time.) Again, I poured myself into planning my future, establishing my career, and trying to figure out God's plan for my life. I was working between 50-60 hours per week, and feeling guilty if I had free time when I wasn't working.

My name is Jennifer, and I am a workaholic.

After two years of working way too hard, I made the decision to go back to school for my Master's in Social Work. Working full time, going to school, trying to pay bills, attempting to keep up with the housework, and spending time with friends and family made for one very busy life. Obviously, I have a pattern going on.... Who has time for dating?!?

I jokingly say to be careful what you tell God is the plan for your life. I said marriage wasn't a possibility until I was done with school and He took me seriously! By the time I finished my graduate program I was 28 years old with still no prospects in the love department.

So the majority of the time I wasn't interested, or I wasn't ready. I suppose a part of me knew that I wasn't ready; on some unconscious level it appears that I purposefully neglected that part of my life. I had things to do! I had a purpose to fulfill.

Am I ready now? I don't know. But the path I took to get where I am today has been unconventional. I am single. I am not divorced. I do not have children from past relationships (unless a dog counts). I bought my own car. I bought my own house. I have an active social life. I established a career.

Responsibility lies in God's sense of humor and my determination to be successful. Even though loneliness may creep its way in at times, I don't think I would change the strong willed, hard working values that brought me here. And even though my dad wishes he could take back the words 'you have to wait until you're 30 to get married', I don't think he'd change the core values of who I am either.