Spiritual Journey (2)

Spiritual Journey, Act 1 (click here)


Journal Entry: 4/8/13 (continued)

I already discussed how my anxiety and depression has been increasing. This morning was a perfect example.

At 4 a.m. I woke in a panic. I don't know why or what about, but I was unsettled. I began with the prayer that God would take it from me, but the feeling stayed. Eventually I moved to the couch and turned on the TV, while continuing to mumble prayers.

I felt anxious and overwhelmed with the thoughts about my trip. The spiritual war going on in my life consumed my thoughts.

I pulled myself to my knees and began to weep. I don't remember everything God and I talked about or what I asked for, but guess what happened... I fell asleep in the arms of my Lord.

I may have only had an hour left before needing to get up for work but that hour was indescribably peaceful.

Unfortunately, the spiritual battle continued when I woke up. As I prepared for work I could feel my anxiety continue to increase until I was in tears. I went through the motions of the morning and tried to control my feelings. Eventually it began to take a physical toll on my stomach.

Yes, Satan was fighting hard today. However, God continued to remind me He's there. One of my online devotions led me to Joshua 1 where God repeatedly tells Joshua (four times in that one chapter) to be strong and courageous. God was calling Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land after Moses' death. Why was it so important for Joshua to be strong and courageous that God told him four times? He also says in this chapter "I will never leave you or forsake you." And, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even to Haiti? Yes! There was so much encouragement in this chapter for me today.

Another blessing reached me tonight. I received a card and check from my grandma to put towards my trip! With my financial difficulties lately, I don't have words of appreciation that properly express how I feel.

It's been a tough day, but God is always present. He is a fire of protection around me! He is my Comforter! He is my Provider!