Overcoming Envy

One thing I struggle with constantly is being jealous of what other people have that I don't.

"Do not covet... anything that belongs to your neighbor." (Ex, 20:17; Deut. 5:21)

Yes, I know! It's one of the ten commandments. Straight from the Bible. Seems like it should be a simple law to follow. But I guess God wouldn't have felt the need to write it on a stone tablet if it wasn't an issue that man struggled with.

I'm not a materialistic person.... usually. Sometimes I do wish I had a bigger house or nicer car or a place down by the lake! But, typically, I'm pretty content with the things God has given me. If money was a thing I desired then Social Work would have been the wrong field to choose...

I tend to be jealous of immaterial things that other people have.

For example, one thing I envy the most is gorgeous HAIR. I can't seem to help myself! If you have thick hair or long hair or curly hair... I'm secretly thinking bad thoughts about you... But try not to hold that against me.

My hair is so thin I have to use pony tail holders and bobby pins made for children! And it's very fine. Growing up my best friend lovingly called it "slippery" when she would try to braid it. Oh... and I have to wash it EVERY DAY! There is no getting up and styling a cute updo the next morning on second day hair (or third day) because it's greasy and well... gross!

So my secret is out. If you have beautiful hair, I envy you! I covet your hair! And it might just determine whether or not we can be friends, because well... that's just not a way to start a relationship!

As with most things, the core problem here is within myself. It's not necessarily your fault if God blessed you with amazing hair. I need to be content with what God has given me. I need to trust that God knows what He's doing... even when it comes to my hair!

 

"But godliness with contentment is a great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

My problem with covetousness has become even more evident to me since I got married.

As a single woman, it was not uncommon to be envious of the relationships every one else seemed to have. It was sometimes difficult to watch friends find companionship and start families. I was the ONLY one of my college girlfriends to not get married after graduation. And while I had several other single female friends, I would wonder when God was going to bring a man into my life. When was I going to begin my "happily ever after"?

Wasn't it okay to feel this way?

"...I would not have known sin if it were not for the law.
For example, I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said,
Do not covet." Romans 7:7

I waited on God and He held true to His promises; I was married last year.

So what's the problem now?

Now I find myself coveting how long people have been in their relationship. When I see a post about a 10 or 15 year anniversary, I feel jealousy because a part of me wants to be that far along in my relationship. I want to have that much time behind Justin and I. I want to see a life that we've built together. We were in our 30's when we met and got married. Not high school. Not college. Not our 20's. It is now highly unlikely we'll see a 50 year anniversary. Twenty-five years will only be a possibility barring any health crises or unforeseen events. Have I been robbed?

Of course not!

 

Almost in the same thought, I will defend my years as a single woman. They got me to this point in my career and social life. I travelled. I went back to school. I bought a house. I enjoyed a lot of time with friends. I cleaned when I wanted. I slept when I wanted. I ate when I wanted. I spent money when I wanted, on what I wanted. I went on mission trips. I grew a reliance on God that probably would not have occurred if I had been married.

So the problem before I got married wasn't that I was single. And even now that I'm married, the problem isn't that we're only a year down (next month!) The problem is my heart and the sin of covetousness.

"And sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment,
produced in me coveting of every kind." Romans 7:8

Satan knows how to find my weak spot in those small moments. And while I know God did not take me down the same path as many other women; He made my path different; He tailored His plan for my personal needs; He cultivated in me a desire for Him; I still struggle with "Do not covet."

Whether it's hair or relationships (or that house by the lake), I am thankful for the path my life has taken.

Get behind me, Satan!

"I don't say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am...
In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content..." Philippians 4:11, 12