I have become obsessed with the Psalms lately. The writers are honest about how they are feeling. Nothing is held back from God.
One night back in March, I came home angry. I spent the night crying out to God. In my weakness I asked 'why?' It was no coincidence that the next morning a friend sent me scripture that depicted exactly how I was feeling.
Psalm 6
O Lord, don't rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in you rage.
Have compassion on me Lord, for I am weak.
Heal me Lord for my bones are in agony.
I am sick at heart. How long O Lord, until you restore me?
Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love.
For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?
I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears.
My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.
Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping.
The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.
May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified. May they suddenly turn back in shame.
At the beginning of the year I had embarked on a spiritual journey, and Satan was seeking to destroy my joyfulness and my spirit. I do plan to share parts of this journey with you by revealing exerpts from my personal journal really soon. But today I want you to know that Psalm 6 is not my current state. Today, almost 3 months later, I find another Psalm:
Psalm 116
I love the Lord because He has heard my appeal for mercy.
Because He has turned His ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live.
The ropes of death were wrapped around me, and the torments of Sheol overcame me;
I encountered trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of Yahweh: "Yahweh, save me!"
The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is compassionate.
The Lord guards the inexperienced; I was helpless, and He saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.
For You, Lord, rescued me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
I believed, even when I said, "I am severely afflicted."
In my alarm I said, "Everyone is a liar."
How can I repay the Lord for all the good He has done for me?
I will take the cup of salvation and call on the name of Yahweh.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people.
The death of His faithful ones is valuable in the Lord's sight.
Lord, I am indeed Your servant; I am Your servant, the son of your female servant.
You have loosened my bonds.
I will offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of Yahweh.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people,
in the courts of the Lord's house - within you Jerusalem.
Hallelujah!
One thing the Psalms are reminding me is that I can pour out my emotions before God, both good and bad. I can cry to Him in my helplessness and sadness. I can ask 'why' when I'm angry. And I can laugh with Him in joy. He is my Father and my Friend. But at the end of each one, the psalmists always praise God. He's still glorified for who He is, what He's done, and what He's going to do.
Remember. Remember the past and how the Lord has blessed you. Remember the pain, and remember the joy.
I look at the difference in these two Psalms. Each of them depict the emotions I was feeling at two different points in time. Praise God for His deliverance. I cannot repay what He has done for me, but I can follow through with the commitment I've made to follow and serve Him.
