Beauty in the Return

I've been reading and thinking a lot lately about Israel. How frustrating it is that they repeatedly turn away from God; they repeatedly return to idols; they repeatedly sucumb to sin. Yet, the Lord repeatedly forgives His people and repeatedly gives them another chance.

I get so angry with Israel because they never learn their lesson. I wonder why the Lord put up with their betrayal. Yes, He got angry. Yes, He punished them. But, He had the power to destroy them and He didn't.

Why?!?

Just as much as God is a jealous God, He is a merciful God. His love sometimes allows us to fall so that we call on Him to pick us up.

"I will depart and return to My place until they recognize their guilt and seek My face they will search for Me in their distress." Hosea 5:15

When Israel fails, then they would cry out to God. Over and over again. And over and over again God rescues them. Take a look at Psalm 107 as Israel repeatedly falls. In verses 6, 13, 19, AND 28, "they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He rescued them from their distress." When they called upon the Lord, He delivered them from the problem.

The failing spirits of the people were ugly. Captivity and darkness were ugly. Afflictions were ugly. The storms were ugly. The wickedness in the people was definitely ugly.

But it all leads to the return.

"But you must return to your God. Maintain love and justice, and always put your hope in God."

Hosea 12:6

The RETURN is beautiful.

 

In the return there is hope. In the return the sovereignty and power of God cannot be denied. In the return we praise Him for His "faithful love and wonderful works." (Also stated in Psalm 107 following each of the above verses.)

If Israel failed so many times, yet the Lord loved them enough to deliver them, He can do the same for me as I fail repeatedly.

For me, there is no denying that the stories of Israel are a reflection of ME. And there is beauty in the return.

"No matter what you’ve done, no matter how off-key you’ve been, no matter how much your tune has had you squirming in your seat, it’s never too late in the song to return to Him."

Spiritual Journey (9)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (8)

Just before leaving for Haiti I experienced a heart of thankfulness that was refreshing. I attempted to pray for my ongoing requests and for important people in my life, but the Holy Spirit said 'no.' All I needed to do was praise God for who He is and all the things He was doing in my life at the time.

"Those who look to Him are radiant with joy' their faces will never be ashamed." Psalm 34:5

As a Christian, there is nothing that compares to being in the Lord's presence full of radiant joy.


Journal entry: 5/1/13

It's been such a busy day. I'm so excited that I have a hard time staying focused. But yet a lot to get done.

First of all, praise God I was actually able to sleep last night. I even overslept this morning. That usually doesn't happen.

What I found most interesting was during prayer this morning all I could do was praise God. I praise Him for the opportunity to go to Haiti. I thank Him for what He's done in my life already and what He's going to do. He's protected me and provided for me. I even thanked Him for the gift of singleness. Definitely never thought I'd be there.

Interestingly, yesterday I had fasted. I've been doing that once a week for the last month in preparation of going to Haiti. And I believe that's where my heart of thanks came from today. Even when I'd start praying for my normal requests I couldn't.  

This moment was a pure happy moment between God and I.

Spiritual Journey (8)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (7)

I'm not big on compliments but every one needs a little encouragement.

These words of encouragement came to me in a time that I was feeling completely inadequate. The message was random; this person had no idea that I needed it. Therefore, I have no doubt God wanted to remind me that I just need to do my best, and He can do the rest.


Journal entry: 4/28/13

I don't deserve them. I don't take compliments well. They make me very uncomfortable. But there are some words from people that are encouraging to me.

My passion and drive in life is to love people. My hope is that others see Christ through my acts of love. So when someone thanks me for my faith it makes me smile.

I received a text tonight from a former coworker that said, "Your faith made me a better person for knowing you and I just wanted to share that with you." God has always used other people to send me messages and especially since this message was so random there is no doubt where it came from.

This comes at a time that I'm struggling with the idea that some may think I'm weak. Satan has made me feel guilty for things I did or didn't do, or things I did or didn't say. I've been praying that God use even the difficult circumstances for His glory.

Compliments are nice but don't always carry a lot of weight. Encouragement, however, is good for the heart. I want to do a better job of encouraging others.

Spiritual Journey (7)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (6)

This is probably one of my favorite journal entries leading to my trip to Haiti. It speaks to the provisions of God for His children.

On that night I remember being overwhelmed with emotion. Should I get up and do a happy dance for Jesus; or should I fall to my knees and cry with joy? I think I might have done both :)


Journal Entry: 4/22/13

Matthew 6: 25-33

This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into them. Aren't you worth more than they? So don't worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God always has a way of coming through. Worry is what I do; it's what I'm best at. One of the biggest reasons I almost backed out of going to Haiti was financial reasons. My income barely pays the bills and sometimes I have to utilize savings to get through the rest of the month. When I had to use savings to put tires on my car it was a huge blow. I also lost a source of some extra income I had coming in each month. My bills started falling behind. A few unexpected medical bills and Satan almost had me giving up.

However, God promises me He will give me what I need if I seek the kingdom of God and righteousness... And tonight He came through!

I was opening my stack of mail and found three wonderful surprises. First, I received my second rebate card from the purchase of the tires. Maybe I can use that to buy the supplies I need or to finally finish a couple projects. Then I opened up something from my mortgage company to find a check from the overage on my escrow account. And the best part, my house payment is going down $30 per month!

Woohoo!

Praise Jesus!

I remember when that payment went up I wondered how I would ever do it. Just think two years ago God had plans to use it to bless me now!

I am so blessed; my cup runneth over. I don't deserve this kind of mercy, but my Father loves me so much He meets my needs anyway.

Spiritual Journey (6)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (5)

The journal entry I'm sharing today was my prayer in my spiritual journey to Haiti back on that particular day. And it is a prayer I continue to have today. Lord, make me broken, make me empty, make me lonely.


Journal Entry: 4/21/13

As I'm preparing for Haiti I'm trying to focus on the spiritual journey. God has revealed so much to me about spiritual warfare, prayer, and vulnerability. I know, without a doubt, that this trip is also about what I can learn so that I can be used to do things effectively for God. I don't know that I will see miracles happen or even one person will come to know Him because of anything I do. But I do strive for obedience, for humility, for a closer relationship than I've ever had before.

"Keep Making Me"

by Sidewalk Prophets

 

Make me broken

So I can be healed

Cause I'm so calloused

And now I can't feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken

 

Make me empty

So I can be filled

Cause I'm still holding

On to my will

And I'm completed

When you are with me

Make me empty

 

Til You are my one desire

Til You are my one true love

Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me

 

Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

Cause in the darkness

I know You will  hold me

Make me lonely

In order to find greater peace I must first be broken; in order to find greater fulfillment I need to be empty; and in order to find greater joy in Him I must first visit loneliness.

Spiritual Journey (5)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (4)

The journal entry I'm sharing today speaks to a major lesson that the Lord has been teaching me this year... It's okay to be vulnerable.

In preparation for my trip to Haiti I had to practice this many times. This was one of those days...


Journal Entry: 4/16/13

Tonight I had dinner with Theresa from church. She is someone I've always felt a special connection with. So I wanted to tell her about everything that has been happening.

 

I talked about my depression and Satan's recent attacks that almost kept me from going to Haiti. It was so nice to have someone say they understand and to encourage me. She didn't judge me but shared some of her own challenges.

 

I always have fear of being vulnerable because I might appear weak. As a Christian I shouldn't be depressed. As a Social Worker I should set better boundaries for myself. But that's not at all the response I got.

 

God is teaching me that it's okay to be more vulnerable with people. I don't always have to be perfect. I don't always have to have it all together.

 

Theresa agreed to be a prayer partner for my trip. She stated she was going to pray that this trip would change my life. Oh Lord, help me to accept the answer to that prayer! Theresa's husband has also been to Haiti before so she is aware of how difficult this trip could be and how Satan will fight against it.

 

I'm definitely thankful for her! And I'm thankful that God is giving me courage.

A Great Leader, Part 3

Continued from A Great Leader, Part 2

A great leader sets a great example.

The leader in any institution sets the tone and demonstrates the servant heart when they lead by example. If I want those who follow me to be positive, respectful, honest, hard working... then I need to set the example for positivity, respectfulness, honesty, and hard work.

How often do you hear a parent say they don't know where their child gets the attitude or foul language while they complain and cuss about the traffic, their boss, the government, etc? It's common sense (I wish!) that the child learns from following the parent's example.

My pastor recently did a couple of sermons on what it means to be a spiritual leader.

Characteristics of a Spiritual Leader

1. Bold (1 Thessalonians 2:2)

2. Honest (1 Thessalonians 2:3-6)

3. Sensitive (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

4. Loving (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

5. Hard Working (1 Thessalonians 2:9)

6. Transparent (1 Thessalonians 2:10)

7. Encouraging (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

I strive to achieve these characteristics, not only as a spiritual leader, but in any leadership position I might hold professionally, in my family, with my friends, and in my church. ( I'm not always the most encouraging so I may need some pushing in that area ;)


Jesus Christ took the time to provide a perfect example of a great leader:

"Before the Passover Festival, Jesus knew that His hour had come to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end...

So He got up from supper, laid aside His robe, took a towel, and tied it around Himself. Next, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples feet and to dry them with the towel tied around Him...

When Jesus had washed their feet and put on His robe, He reclined again and said to them, "Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. This is well said, for I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you. I assure you: A slave is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them."

John 13:1, 4-5, 12-17

Jesus Christ humbled Himself to complete the duties of a servant by washing His disciples feet. He acknowledged Himself as their leader while showing them how to lead by example.

By pulling traits from leaders in my life and learning from the perfect example set by Jesus Christ, I want to be a great leader by:

• Setting a positive tone
• Having a servant's heart
• And, setting the example

A Great Leader, Part 2

Continued from A Great Leader, Part 1


A great leader has a servant's heart.

When I remember the people who have been great leaders in my life, there's one common thread... they had a servant's heart. They didn't just tell me what to do, they showed me how to do it and helped me to accomplish things.

 

I had one supervisor that never told me what to do when I was problem solving a situation. Instead, she helped me find my own solution. She listened as I talked through it and asked questions to guide me along the way. By allowing me to come to my own conclusion, she communicated to me that she had faith and trust in my abilities.

 

I had one supervisor who always had a listening ear, whether it was work or home related. Through her ability to always make time for each one of her employees, she was able to communicate that she cared.  

 

And not-work-related... my parents have demonstrated leadership skills and been servants to me my entire life. How many times did they unselfishly give up something they needed to make sure I got to play sports, be in band, and go on trips? How many times have they aided me in finding my own solutions to problems while being there to catch me when I failed? They clearly represent what it means to lead with love and a servant's heart.

 

I believe the best leaders in my life have been the ones that sought to help me, to teach me, and to serve me because they cared. And each of them had characteristics that I want to imitate in my role as a leader.

One of my favorite movies is 'We Were Soldiers' starring Mel Gibson. It is a story about the first major battle of the Vietnam War. Mel Gibson plays a Lieutenant, Colonel Hal Moore, who is dedicated to the men who serve underneath him. He spends a great deal of time training and preparing his men for battle. He shows genuine concern for what is happening in their personal lives. Before going into battle Moore promises his men that he will be the first to step on the field in battle and the last to step off. He does exactly that even when his superiors urge him to leave the battle field for his own safety.

There's one scene in 'We Were Soldiers' that is the best example I have ever seen of a servant leader. The scene clearly distinguishes between two types of leaders. The servant leader seeks to find out why the men are falling behind, help them solve the problem, and then hold them accountable for following through with the solution. The power hungry leader blames the men for not keeping up and seeks to humiliate and demean the men for falling behind.

 

Which leader would you rather follow? Which leader would you rather be?

To be continued....

Spiritual Journey (4)

Sometimes I did write in my journal twice in one day. There was a lot going on so I wanted to make sure to document as much as possible, especially the blessings.

To read Spiritual Journey (3) click here


Journal Entry: 4/9/13

"But seek His kingdom, and these things will be provided for you."

Luke 12:31

God continues to remind me that He's present. I randomly decided to text a girl that has visited our Bible fellowship class to see how she's doing. She asked about my mission trip and the blessing I received in the mail yesterday. When I told her it was money for my trip she asked how much more I needed to raise, which then led to her saying she would send me the money.

Enter tears of amazement here...

I barely know this girl or anything about her and she's willing to help me. I randomly thought to check on her and I'm the one that receives the blessing.

I keep thinking about the quote from Hope Floats when the grandmother says "My cup runneth over."

THANK YOU JESUS!!!

A Great Leader, Part 1

Everyone is a leader in some capacity. Everyone has someone that follows them. And everyone has to follow someone. Some lead a family, some lead a small group, some lead a work group, some lead an organization, some lead a sports team, some lead a church, some lead a classroom, some lead a nation...

 

The topic of leadership has always interested me. What are the qualities of a great leader? What kind of leader do I want to follow? What kind of leader do I want to be?

I have found some common themes that create what I believe to be great leaders. I don't want to be good enough; I want to great.

A great leader sets a positive tone.

It's pretty self explanatory, but it is not common sense. The attitude in any institution starts at the top and trickles down.

• Front-line workers reflect the attitude of supervisors who reflect the attitudes of directors who reflect the attitudes of top decision makers in a company.
• Children reflect the attitude of their mother who reflects the attitude of their father in a family.
• Students reflect the attitude of their teacher who reflect the attitude of their principal who reflect the attitude of the district's superintendent in a school system.
• A Christian reflects the attitude of the Sunday School teacher who reflects the attitude of the deacons and ministers who reflect the attitude of the pastor in a church.

I think you get my point. It starts at the top. So if a leader wants an atmosphere of positive support and teamwork, he/she needs to lift up their followers and believe in their abilities to contribute to the wanted outcomes.

 

One of my favorite movies 'Remember the Titans' has a great scene about how the attitude of the leader is reflected in those around him/her.

 

"Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to remind people that you are, you aren't."

~ Margaret Thatcher



To be continued...

Spiritual Journey (3)

I am sharing excerpts from my personal journal regarding my spiritual journey to Haiti and back.

To read Spiritual Journey (1) click here.

To read Spiritual Journey (2) click here.


Journal Entry: 4/9/13

As if there's an alarm clock in my head, I woke up at 4 a.m. I wasn't in a panic this time until my brain shifted towards the day and my to do list, towards the trip, and towards some situations in my personal life.

I started singing. This song was placed by God and I sang it in my head until I fell asleep again. I sang it so many times in fact that it started to become annoying, but I needed it.

Through You I can do anything

I can do all things

For it's You who gives me strength

Nothing is impossible

Through you blind eyes are open

Strongholds are broken

I am living by faith

Nothing is impossible

Back to the Basics

 

This last weekend, as a present to my dad for his birthday, we spent some quality time together playing golf. Keep in mind that I have no clue how to play golf. So, I guess the present was actually allowing him to teach me something new.

 

 

I learned how to grip a club; I learned the awkward stance; I learned how to swing (you would think that would be easy but it's not!); I learned to keep my head down. Knowing how to even hit the golf ball is essential to learning how to play golf. Dad was teaching me the basics.

 

Even though he's played golf for as long as I can remember, this mini session on a mini course was helpful to him as well. It forced him to remember the basics and evaluate his own swing and his own game. He was focused on his form so that I could follow his example.

 

It's helpful to go back to the basics.

This also applies to our Christian lives...

 

Twice recently I've heard someone say to take it back to the cross. At the time they were referring to a sermon or a lesson; it should always lead back to the cross. But I believe every Christian needs to remember the basics.

 

A new or young Christian needs to start at the cross in order to grow in their spiritual life. A mature Christian needs to go back to the cross to remember what our Savior did for us and make the foundation of his/her faith constantly stronger. AND a mature Christian should focus on the cross as an example to anyone following him/her.

 

 

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but it is God's power to us who are being saved."

1 Corinthians 1:18

 

"He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death - even to death on a cross."

Philippians 2:8

 

"He did this so that He might reconcile both (Jew and Gentile) to God in one body through the cross and put the hostility to death by it."

Ephesians 2:16

 

"But as for me, I will never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Galations 6:14

Spiritual Journey (2)

Spiritual Journey, Act 1 (click here)


Journal Entry: 4/8/13 (continued)

I already discussed how my anxiety and depression has been increasing. This morning was a perfect example.

At 4 a.m. I woke in a panic. I don't know why or what about, but I was unsettled. I began with the prayer that God would take it from me, but the feeling stayed. Eventually I moved to the couch and turned on the TV, while continuing to mumble prayers.

I felt anxious and overwhelmed with the thoughts about my trip. The spiritual war going on in my life consumed my thoughts.

I pulled myself to my knees and began to weep. I don't remember everything God and I talked about or what I asked for, but guess what happened... I fell asleep in the arms of my Lord.

I may have only had an hour left before needing to get up for work but that hour was indescribably peaceful.

Unfortunately, the spiritual battle continued when I woke up. As I prepared for work I could feel my anxiety continue to increase until I was in tears. I went through the motions of the morning and tried to control my feelings. Eventually it began to take a physical toll on my stomach.

Yes, Satan was fighting hard today. However, God continued to remind me He's there. One of my online devotions led me to Joshua 1 where God repeatedly tells Joshua (four times in that one chapter) to be strong and courageous. God was calling Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land after Moses' death. Why was it so important for Joshua to be strong and courageous that God told him four times? He also says in this chapter "I will never leave you or forsake you." And, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even to Haiti? Yes! There was so much encouragement in this chapter for me today.

Another blessing reached me tonight. I received a card and check from my grandma to put towards my trip! With my financial difficulties lately, I don't have words of appreciation that properly express how I feel.

It's been a tough day, but God is always present. He is a fire of protection around me! He is my Comforter! He is my Provider!

Spiritual Journey (1)

I want to start sharing details of the spiritual journey I have been maneuvering my way through so far this year. It involves Satan's attacks, the Lord's blessings, and my mission trip to Haiti. I've been keeping a journal throughout this time with hopes of documenting my progress. I wanted to keep record of how the Lord helped me to overcome. I wanted to be able to remember some of the smaller blessings that sometimes get forgotten over time.

 

I believe I'm finally at a point where I can share pieces of that journey with you. By revealing some of the vulnerable moments in my life this year from my personal journal, I'm hoping to reveal the victory that comes from allowing the Lord to be Lord of your life.

 

By no means is the journey over, but it's a start!

 

Here is the very first journal entry I made.

 

 

Journal Entry: 4/8/13

 

I am anxious to start this journal. I had to run out to buy it because my hand is dying to write about this experience... my trip to Haiti.

 

Last night was our first team meeting, and it left me both nervous and excited. Bro. Paul talked about how Haiti is such a voodoo country. It is literally controlled by Satan. There will be people demon possessed walking the streets. It's not safe for white people to be out at night. And never, ever be alone.

 

Now those are already good safety precautions for traveling to any foreign country. But there is a real safety threat.

 

We will have to plan our own meals because none of the food there is safe. It is completely unsanitary with trash and sewage everywhere. The smell, we've been warned, is the worst smell you've ever smelled. Bro. Paul went as far to say that it is a good picture of hell... the smells... the filth... the demons.

 

This is my first trip to a third world country, but so far that doesn't scare me.

 

However, the last few months have been especially rough on me mentally, financially, emotionally, and physically. Now I know why. 

 

The comment was made about Satan attacking us even before the trip and that's exactly what I've been experiencing. I was dating someone that suddenly changed. Money kept slipping through my fingers that I needed to pay for the trip. I almost decided not to go at all. I put new tires on my car. My bills kept falling behind. I haven't been able to donate plasma. And the worst attack of all has been mentally and emotionally. My anxiety has been progressively worsening. And I've been slipping into depression. Satan has even attacked me physically. I hardly ever get sick. For over a month my body has been battling a cough and last week a sinus infection. I am currently on antibiotics!

 

I've made the comment to some people that I feel like I'm in the middle of a spiritual battle. Turns out, I'm right.

 
So my biggest fear is 'what else?' I'm sure Satan isn't done with me. We don't leave for another 3 1/2 weeks.
 
I wrote a blog at the beginning of the year stating I wanted this year to be the one that I experienced divine revelations that would change my life. Well here goes. Satan will not win this battle!

Conquer!

During my devotions, sometimes a single word will jump out at me. The word of today...

Conquer.

 

It's a strong word.

 

"For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now His commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith."

1 John 5:4

 

Because I have been born of God; because I have the Love of God living inside me; because of my faith in Christ as the Son of God; He tells me I can conquer the world. I have victory.

 

This world can be so discouraging. Some days are so long. Some days go too fast. Stress. Exhaustion. Heartache. People we love are in pain. Friends are going through trials.

 

But, as a child of God and because of His great Love, He says... CONQUER!