#LoveYourSpouse : Is that a challenge?

#LoveYourSpouse

It's one of the latest social media crazes. Someone nominates you to post pictures of you and your spouse for 7 days to promote partnership and marriage. And each day you are to nominate two more people.

Let's face it, that's the hard part!
'Who would want to do this challenge?'
'Who has already done this challenge? Let me check their facebook page.'
'I had no idea I had so many single friends!'

Why would I choose to allow this kind of stress in my life?!

I recently read a blog discussing how this challenge negates the reality of marriage. Marriage is hard. Marriage is work. Marriage is exhausting and messy. It isn't all fairy tales and fairy dust and euphoria. I totally agree!

They also talked about how on social media we only portray 5% of THE BEST parts of our lives. The perfectly staged wedding photos and perfectly filtered selfies aren't reality. The major life events we post so that our family and friends can celebrate with us aren't daily occurrences. Again, I totally agree!

To be honest, I considered not doing the #LoveYourSpouse challenge too. Not only for those reasons but also because I have a lot of single friends. I was one of those single people not too horribly long ago who wanted to meet the man God had planned for me and start a family of my own. I didn't want to be the cause of hurt and loneliness in someone else's life, especially since I know what that feels like. 

But I had a few reasons why I decided it was worth it for me. 

First, I had my superficial reasons. I LOVE pictures. I love looking at pictures, snapshots of our lives. I'm not a scientist but I'm sure there has to be a chemical release of dopamine in the brain when we are stimulating memories. Pictures make us smile and laugh and cry as we remember not only what is in the picture but what isn't. 

My husband and I have made a lot of memories already in our three years together. I have kept all the photos since the first day we met. That is a lot of photos to pick from! And a lot of memories that bring a smile to my face and cause me to think how cute we look together.

Another reason I didn't have problems engaging in the hype of loving your spouse was the need for positivity on social media. My heart has been so heavy lately with the condition of this world. There is so much pain. People are so selfish. And everyone has an opinion they think is the only right one. On top of that... it's election time. And politics just make me sick.

So why not post things that promote love?! Why not spread joy? Yes, I'm sharing pictures with you that show THE BEST 5% of my life. But how is that not better than war and civil upset and lying politicians?

"It bears all things, believes all things. Love never ends."

1 Corinthians 13:7-8a

One of my biggest reasons for posting pictures of my spouse and how much we love each other was BECAUSE marriage is hard. We have our 'discussions' over who's turn it is to cook dinner or feed the animals. Some days the house seems too small for the both of us. (I need my own space!) There are days when he asks "would you just speak English?!" If I'm being honest here, there are some days we don't like each other very much.

I'm guilty, hopefully I'm not the only one, of dwelling on the negative. My husband has told me I need to learn how to let things go. He's right. (Don't tell him I said that!) If I'm not careful, Satan takes over my thoughts and plants a lot of doubts in my head.

'If he really loved me he would have done the dishes.'
'He ate all the ice cream and didn't even consider if I wanted any. Why isn't he more thoughtful?'
'He must be mad at me because he didn't kiss me goodnight.'
'Why didn't he ask me about my day?'

I have to make a concentrated effort sometimes to see the positive and not allow Satan to win the battle over my inner thoughts.

'He helped me pick up the kitchen so that I could sit down and relax.'
'He allowed me to cuddle with him before falling asleep even though he was hot.'
Or one of my favorites... 'He does the dreaded Walmart shopping and stays within budget better than I could have.'

So, I share those moments of my marriage where we are perfectly posed at our wedding. I want to post the selfie from our first vacation together. I need to laugh at that goofy picture from Christmas. Because those are the good times that remind me that even though this marriage thing is difficult, even if we don't always like each other, we are in it together. We are committed to each other.

#LoveYourSpouse. I love mine. And that's okay.

 

Overcoming Envy

One thing I struggle with constantly is being jealous of what other people have that I don't.

"Do not covet... anything that belongs to your neighbor." (Ex, 20:17; Deut. 5:21)

Yes, I know! It's one of the ten commandments. Straight from the Bible. Seems like it should be a simple law to follow. But I guess God wouldn't have felt the need to write it on a stone tablet if it wasn't an issue that man struggled with.

I'm not a materialistic person.... usually. Sometimes I do wish I had a bigger house or nicer car or a place down by the lake! But, typically, I'm pretty content with the things God has given me. If money was a thing I desired then Social Work would have been the wrong field to choose...

I tend to be jealous of immaterial things that other people have.

For example, one thing I envy the most is gorgeous HAIR. I can't seem to help myself! If you have thick hair or long hair or curly hair... I'm secretly thinking bad thoughts about you... But try not to hold that against me.

My hair is so thin I have to use pony tail holders and bobby pins made for children! And it's very fine. Growing up my best friend lovingly called it "slippery" when she would try to braid it. Oh... and I have to wash it EVERY DAY! There is no getting up and styling a cute updo the next morning on second day hair (or third day) because it's greasy and well... gross!

So my secret is out. If you have beautiful hair, I envy you! I covet your hair! And it might just determine whether or not we can be friends, because well... that's just not a way to start a relationship!

As with most things, the core problem here is within myself. It's not necessarily your fault if God blessed you with amazing hair. I need to be content with what God has given me. I need to trust that God knows what He's doing... even when it comes to my hair!

 

"But godliness with contentment is a great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6

My problem with covetousness has become even more evident to me since I got married.

As a single woman, it was not uncommon to be envious of the relationships every one else seemed to have. It was sometimes difficult to watch friends find companionship and start families. I was the ONLY one of my college girlfriends to not get married after graduation. And while I had several other single female friends, I would wonder when God was going to bring a man into my life. When was I going to begin my "happily ever after"?

Wasn't it okay to feel this way?

"...I would not have known sin if it were not for the law.
For example, I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said,
Do not covet." Romans 7:7

I waited on God and He held true to His promises; I was married last year.

So what's the problem now?

Now I find myself coveting how long people have been in their relationship. When I see a post about a 10 or 15 year anniversary, I feel jealousy because a part of me wants to be that far along in my relationship. I want to have that much time behind Justin and I. I want to see a life that we've built together. We were in our 30's when we met and got married. Not high school. Not college. Not our 20's. It is now highly unlikely we'll see a 50 year anniversary. Twenty-five years will only be a possibility barring any health crises or unforeseen events. Have I been robbed?

Of course not!

 

Almost in the same thought, I will defend my years as a single woman. They got me to this point in my career and social life. I travelled. I went back to school. I bought a house. I enjoyed a lot of time with friends. I cleaned when I wanted. I slept when I wanted. I ate when I wanted. I spent money when I wanted, on what I wanted. I went on mission trips. I grew a reliance on God that probably would not have occurred if I had been married.

So the problem before I got married wasn't that I was single. And even now that I'm married, the problem isn't that we're only a year down (next month!) The problem is my heart and the sin of covetousness.

"And sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment,
produced in me coveting of every kind." Romans 7:8

Satan knows how to find my weak spot in those small moments. And while I know God did not take me down the same path as many other women; He made my path different; He tailored His plan for my personal needs; He cultivated in me a desire for Him; I still struggle with "Do not covet."

Whether it's hair or relationships (or that house by the lake), I am thankful for the path my life has taken.

Get behind me, Satan!

"I don't say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am...
In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content..." Philippians 4:11, 12

 

Beauty in the Return

I've been reading and thinking a lot lately about Israel. How frustrating it is that they repeatedly turn away from God; they repeatedly return to idols; they repeatedly sucumb to sin. Yet, the Lord repeatedly forgives His people and repeatedly gives them another chance.

I get so angry with Israel because they never learn their lesson. I wonder why the Lord put up with their betrayal. Yes, He got angry. Yes, He punished them. But, He had the power to destroy them and He didn't.

Why?!?

Just as much as God is a jealous God, He is a merciful God. His love sometimes allows us to fall so that we call on Him to pick us up.

"I will depart and return to My place until they recognize their guilt and seek My face they will search for Me in their distress." Hosea 5:15

When Israel fails, then they would cry out to God. Over and over again. And over and over again God rescues them. Take a look at Psalm 107 as Israel repeatedly falls. In verses 6, 13, 19, AND 28, "they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He rescued them from their distress." When they called upon the Lord, He delivered them from the problem.

The failing spirits of the people were ugly. Captivity and darkness were ugly. Afflictions were ugly. The storms were ugly. The wickedness in the people was definitely ugly.

But it all leads to the return.

"But you must return to your God. Maintain love and justice, and always put your hope in God."

Hosea 12:6

The RETURN is beautiful.

 

In the return there is hope. In the return the sovereignty and power of God cannot be denied. In the return we praise Him for His "faithful love and wonderful works." (Also stated in Psalm 107 following each of the above verses.)

If Israel failed so many times, yet the Lord loved them enough to deliver them, He can do the same for me as I fail repeatedly.

For me, there is no denying that the stories of Israel are a reflection of ME. And there is beauty in the return.

"No matter what you’ve done, no matter how off-key you’ve been, no matter how much your tune has had you squirming in your seat, it’s never too late in the song to return to Him."

Spiritual Journey (9)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (8)

Just before leaving for Haiti I experienced a heart of thankfulness that was refreshing. I attempted to pray for my ongoing requests and for important people in my life, but the Holy Spirit said 'no.' All I needed to do was praise God for who He is and all the things He was doing in my life at the time.

"Those who look to Him are radiant with joy' their faces will never be ashamed." Psalm 34:5

As a Christian, there is nothing that compares to being in the Lord's presence full of radiant joy.


Journal entry: 5/1/13

It's been such a busy day. I'm so excited that I have a hard time staying focused. But yet a lot to get done.

First of all, praise God I was actually able to sleep last night. I even overslept this morning. That usually doesn't happen.

What I found most interesting was during prayer this morning all I could do was praise God. I praise Him for the opportunity to go to Haiti. I thank Him for what He's done in my life already and what He's going to do. He's protected me and provided for me. I even thanked Him for the gift of singleness. Definitely never thought I'd be there.

Interestingly, yesterday I had fasted. I've been doing that once a week for the last month in preparation of going to Haiti. And I believe that's where my heart of thanks came from today. Even when I'd start praying for my normal requests I couldn't.  

This moment was a pure happy moment between God and I.

Spiritual Journey (8)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (7)

I'm not big on compliments but every one needs a little encouragement.

These words of encouragement came to me in a time that I was feeling completely inadequate. The message was random; this person had no idea that I needed it. Therefore, I have no doubt God wanted to remind me that I just need to do my best, and He can do the rest.


Journal entry: 4/28/13

I don't deserve them. I don't take compliments well. They make me very uncomfortable. But there are some words from people that are encouraging to me.

My passion and drive in life is to love people. My hope is that others see Christ through my acts of love. So when someone thanks me for my faith it makes me smile.

I received a text tonight from a former coworker that said, "Your faith made me a better person for knowing you and I just wanted to share that with you." God has always used other people to send me messages and especially since this message was so random there is no doubt where it came from.

This comes at a time that I'm struggling with the idea that some may think I'm weak. Satan has made me feel guilty for things I did or didn't do, or things I did or didn't say. I've been praying that God use even the difficult circumstances for His glory.

Compliments are nice but don't always carry a lot of weight. Encouragement, however, is good for the heart. I want to do a better job of encouraging others.

Spiritual Journey (7)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (6)

This is probably one of my favorite journal entries leading to my trip to Haiti. It speaks to the provisions of God for His children.

On that night I remember being overwhelmed with emotion. Should I get up and do a happy dance for Jesus; or should I fall to my knees and cry with joy? I think I might have done both :)


Journal Entry: 4/22/13

Matthew 6: 25-33

This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into them. Aren't you worth more than they? So don't worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God always has a way of coming through. Worry is what I do; it's what I'm best at. One of the biggest reasons I almost backed out of going to Haiti was financial reasons. My income barely pays the bills and sometimes I have to utilize savings to get through the rest of the month. When I had to use savings to put tires on my car it was a huge blow. I also lost a source of some extra income I had coming in each month. My bills started falling behind. A few unexpected medical bills and Satan almost had me giving up.

However, God promises me He will give me what I need if I seek the kingdom of God and righteousness... And tonight He came through!

I was opening my stack of mail and found three wonderful surprises. First, I received my second rebate card from the purchase of the tires. Maybe I can use that to buy the supplies I need or to finally finish a couple projects. Then I opened up something from my mortgage company to find a check from the overage on my escrow account. And the best part, my house payment is going down $30 per month!

Woohoo!

Praise Jesus!

I remember when that payment went up I wondered how I would ever do it. Just think two years ago God had plans to use it to bless me now!

I am so blessed; my cup runneth over. I don't deserve this kind of mercy, but my Father loves me so much He meets my needs anyway.

Spiritual Journey (6)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (5)

The journal entry I'm sharing today was my prayer in my spiritual journey to Haiti back on that particular day. And it is a prayer I continue to have today. Lord, make me broken, make me empty, make me lonely.


Journal Entry: 4/21/13

As I'm preparing for Haiti I'm trying to focus on the spiritual journey. God has revealed so much to me about spiritual warfare, prayer, and vulnerability. I know, without a doubt, that this trip is also about what I can learn so that I can be used to do things effectively for God. I don't know that I will see miracles happen or even one person will come to know Him because of anything I do. But I do strive for obedience, for humility, for a closer relationship than I've ever had before.

"Keep Making Me"

by Sidewalk Prophets

 

Make me broken

So I can be healed

Cause I'm so calloused

And now I can't feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken

 

Make me empty

So I can be filled

Cause I'm still holding

On to my will

And I'm completed

When you are with me

Make me empty

 

Til You are my one desire

Til You are my one true love

Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me

 

Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

Cause in the darkness

I know You will  hold me

Make me lonely

In order to find greater peace I must first be broken; in order to find greater fulfillment I need to be empty; and in order to find greater joy in Him I must first visit loneliness.

Spiritual Journey (5)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (4)

The journal entry I'm sharing today speaks to a major lesson that the Lord has been teaching me this year... It's okay to be vulnerable.

In preparation for my trip to Haiti I had to practice this many times. This was one of those days...


Journal Entry: 4/16/13

Tonight I had dinner with Theresa from church. She is someone I've always felt a special connection with. So I wanted to tell her about everything that has been happening.

 

I talked about my depression and Satan's recent attacks that almost kept me from going to Haiti. It was so nice to have someone say they understand and to encourage me. She didn't judge me but shared some of her own challenges.

 

I always have fear of being vulnerable because I might appear weak. As a Christian I shouldn't be depressed. As a Social Worker I should set better boundaries for myself. But that's not at all the response I got.

 

God is teaching me that it's okay to be more vulnerable with people. I don't always have to be perfect. I don't always have to have it all together.

 

Theresa agreed to be a prayer partner for my trip. She stated she was going to pray that this trip would change my life. Oh Lord, help me to accept the answer to that prayer! Theresa's husband has also been to Haiti before so she is aware of how difficult this trip could be and how Satan will fight against it.

 

I'm definitely thankful for her! And I'm thankful that God is giving me courage.

A Great Leader, Part 3

Continued from A Great Leader, Part 2

A great leader sets a great example.

The leader in any institution sets the tone and demonstrates the servant heart when they lead by example. If I want those who follow me to be positive, respectful, honest, hard working... then I need to set the example for positivity, respectfulness, honesty, and hard work.

How often do you hear a parent say they don't know where their child gets the attitude or foul language while they complain and cuss about the traffic, their boss, the government, etc? It's common sense (I wish!) that the child learns from following the parent's example.

My pastor recently did a couple of sermons on what it means to be a spiritual leader.

Characteristics of a Spiritual Leader

1. Bold (1 Thessalonians 2:2)

2. Honest (1 Thessalonians 2:3-6)

3. Sensitive (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

4. Loving (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

5. Hard Working (1 Thessalonians 2:9)

6. Transparent (1 Thessalonians 2:10)

7. Encouraging (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

I strive to achieve these characteristics, not only as a spiritual leader, but in any leadership position I might hold professionally, in my family, with my friends, and in my church. ( I'm not always the most encouraging so I may need some pushing in that area ;)


Jesus Christ took the time to provide a perfect example of a great leader:

"Before the Passover Festival, Jesus knew that His hour had come to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end...

So He got up from supper, laid aside His robe, took a towel, and tied it around Himself. Next, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples feet and to dry them with the towel tied around Him...

When Jesus had washed their feet and put on His robe, He reclined again and said to them, "Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. This is well said, for I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you. I assure you: A slave is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them."

John 13:1, 4-5, 12-17

Jesus Christ humbled Himself to complete the duties of a servant by washing His disciples feet. He acknowledged Himself as their leader while showing them how to lead by example.

By pulling traits from leaders in my life and learning from the perfect example set by Jesus Christ, I want to be a great leader by:

• Setting a positive tone
• Having a servant's heart
• And, setting the example

A Great Leader, Part 2

Continued from A Great Leader, Part 1


A great leader has a servant's heart.

When I remember the people who have been great leaders in my life, there's one common thread... they had a servant's heart. They didn't just tell me what to do, they showed me how to do it and helped me to accomplish things.

 

I had one supervisor that never told me what to do when I was problem solving a situation. Instead, she helped me find my own solution. She listened as I talked through it and asked questions to guide me along the way. By allowing me to come to my own conclusion, she communicated to me that she had faith and trust in my abilities.

 

I had one supervisor who always had a listening ear, whether it was work or home related. Through her ability to always make time for each one of her employees, she was able to communicate that she cared.  

 

And not-work-related... my parents have demonstrated leadership skills and been servants to me my entire life. How many times did they unselfishly give up something they needed to make sure I got to play sports, be in band, and go on trips? How many times have they aided me in finding my own solutions to problems while being there to catch me when I failed? They clearly represent what it means to lead with love and a servant's heart.

 

I believe the best leaders in my life have been the ones that sought to help me, to teach me, and to serve me because they cared. And each of them had characteristics that I want to imitate in my role as a leader.

One of my favorite movies is 'We Were Soldiers' starring Mel Gibson. It is a story about the first major battle of the Vietnam War. Mel Gibson plays a Lieutenant, Colonel Hal Moore, who is dedicated to the men who serve underneath him. He spends a great deal of time training and preparing his men for battle. He shows genuine concern for what is happening in their personal lives. Before going into battle Moore promises his men that he will be the first to step on the field in battle and the last to step off. He does exactly that even when his superiors urge him to leave the battle field for his own safety.

There's one scene in 'We Were Soldiers' that is the best example I have ever seen of a servant leader. The scene clearly distinguishes between two types of leaders. The servant leader seeks to find out why the men are falling behind, help them solve the problem, and then hold them accountable for following through with the solution. The power hungry leader blames the men for not keeping up and seeks to humiliate and demean the men for falling behind.

 

Which leader would you rather follow? Which leader would you rather be?

To be continued....

Spiritual Journey (4)

Sometimes I did write in my journal twice in one day. There was a lot going on so I wanted to make sure to document as much as possible, especially the blessings.

To read Spiritual Journey (3) click here


Journal Entry: 4/9/13

"But seek His kingdom, and these things will be provided for you."

Luke 12:31

God continues to remind me that He's present. I randomly decided to text a girl that has visited our Bible fellowship class to see how she's doing. She asked about my mission trip and the blessing I received in the mail yesterday. When I told her it was money for my trip she asked how much more I needed to raise, which then led to her saying she would send me the money.

Enter tears of amazement here...

I barely know this girl or anything about her and she's willing to help me. I randomly thought to check on her and I'm the one that receives the blessing.

I keep thinking about the quote from Hope Floats when the grandmother says "My cup runneth over."

THANK YOU JESUS!!!

A Great Leader, Part 1

Everyone is a leader in some capacity. Everyone has someone that follows them. And everyone has to follow someone. Some lead a family, some lead a small group, some lead a work group, some lead an organization, some lead a sports team, some lead a church, some lead a classroom, some lead a nation...

 

The topic of leadership has always interested me. What are the qualities of a great leader? What kind of leader do I want to follow? What kind of leader do I want to be?

I have found some common themes that create what I believe to be great leaders. I don't want to be good enough; I want to great.

A great leader sets a positive tone.

It's pretty self explanatory, but it is not common sense. The attitude in any institution starts at the top and trickles down.

• Front-line workers reflect the attitude of supervisors who reflect the attitudes of directors who reflect the attitudes of top decision makers in a company.
• Children reflect the attitude of their mother who reflects the attitude of their father in a family.
• Students reflect the attitude of their teacher who reflect the attitude of their principal who reflect the attitude of the district's superintendent in a school system.
• A Christian reflects the attitude of the Sunday School teacher who reflects the attitude of the deacons and ministers who reflect the attitude of the pastor in a church.

I think you get my point. It starts at the top. So if a leader wants an atmosphere of positive support and teamwork, he/she needs to lift up their followers and believe in their abilities to contribute to the wanted outcomes.

 

One of my favorite movies 'Remember the Titans' has a great scene about how the attitude of the leader is reflected in those around him/her.

 

"Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to remind people that you are, you aren't."

~ Margaret Thatcher



To be continued...

Spiritual Journey (3)

I am sharing excerpts from my personal journal regarding my spiritual journey to Haiti and back.

To read Spiritual Journey (1) click here.

To read Spiritual Journey (2) click here.


Journal Entry: 4/9/13

As if there's an alarm clock in my head, I woke up at 4 a.m. I wasn't in a panic this time until my brain shifted towards the day and my to do list, towards the trip, and towards some situations in my personal life.

I started singing. This song was placed by God and I sang it in my head until I fell asleep again. I sang it so many times in fact that it started to become annoying, but I needed it.

Through You I can do anything

I can do all things

For it's You who gives me strength

Nothing is impossible

Through you blind eyes are open

Strongholds are broken

I am living by faith

Nothing is impossible

Back to the Basics

 

This last weekend, as a present to my dad for his birthday, we spent some quality time together playing golf. Keep in mind that I have no clue how to play golf. So, I guess the present was actually allowing him to teach me something new.

 

 

I learned how to grip a club; I learned the awkward stance; I learned how to swing (you would think that would be easy but it's not!); I learned to keep my head down. Knowing how to even hit the golf ball is essential to learning how to play golf. Dad was teaching me the basics.

 

Even though he's played golf for as long as I can remember, this mini session on a mini course was helpful to him as well. It forced him to remember the basics and evaluate his own swing and his own game. He was focused on his form so that I could follow his example.

 

It's helpful to go back to the basics.

This also applies to our Christian lives...

 

Twice recently I've heard someone say to take it back to the cross. At the time they were referring to a sermon or a lesson; it should always lead back to the cross. But I believe every Christian needs to remember the basics.

 

A new or young Christian needs to start at the cross in order to grow in their spiritual life. A mature Christian needs to go back to the cross to remember what our Savior did for us and make the foundation of his/her faith constantly stronger. AND a mature Christian should focus on the cross as an example to anyone following him/her.

 

 

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but it is God's power to us who are being saved."

1 Corinthians 1:18

 

"He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death - even to death on a cross."

Philippians 2:8

 

"He did this so that He might reconcile both (Jew and Gentile) to God in one body through the cross and put the hostility to death by it."

Ephesians 2:16

 

"But as for me, I will never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Galations 6:14

Spiritual Journey (2)

Spiritual Journey, Act 1 (click here)


Journal Entry: 4/8/13 (continued)

I already discussed how my anxiety and depression has been increasing. This morning was a perfect example.

At 4 a.m. I woke in a panic. I don't know why or what about, but I was unsettled. I began with the prayer that God would take it from me, but the feeling stayed. Eventually I moved to the couch and turned on the TV, while continuing to mumble prayers.

I felt anxious and overwhelmed with the thoughts about my trip. The spiritual war going on in my life consumed my thoughts.

I pulled myself to my knees and began to weep. I don't remember everything God and I talked about or what I asked for, but guess what happened... I fell asleep in the arms of my Lord.

I may have only had an hour left before needing to get up for work but that hour was indescribably peaceful.

Unfortunately, the spiritual battle continued when I woke up. As I prepared for work I could feel my anxiety continue to increase until I was in tears. I went through the motions of the morning and tried to control my feelings. Eventually it began to take a physical toll on my stomach.

Yes, Satan was fighting hard today. However, God continued to remind me He's there. One of my online devotions led me to Joshua 1 where God repeatedly tells Joshua (four times in that one chapter) to be strong and courageous. God was calling Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land after Moses' death. Why was it so important for Joshua to be strong and courageous that God told him four times? He also says in this chapter "I will never leave you or forsake you." And, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even to Haiti? Yes! There was so much encouragement in this chapter for me today.

Another blessing reached me tonight. I received a card and check from my grandma to put towards my trip! With my financial difficulties lately, I don't have words of appreciation that properly express how I feel.

It's been a tough day, but God is always present. He is a fire of protection around me! He is my Comforter! He is my Provider!