Tree Friends

Someone said your friend base changes every 7 years. I have been mulling over this a little bit and found it's pretty accurate for my life so far.

I have always had high expectations for myself and the people in my life who I care about the most. These high expecations include what I believe close relationships should be. I often discuss the true meaning of love with people. While we love people in our life in different ways (you don't love your mom in the same way you love your dog), the foundation of love is always the same. It is unconditional and sacrificial. It is an action, not a feeling. I apply these same standards to the way I love my friends. Unfortunately, not everybody holds the same meanings for friends and love as I do. There have been a lot of people who have come and gone in my life.

Tyler Perry wrote an illustration about the different types of people that come and go in life. It's not anything that hasn't been said before. Some people are leaves, some are branches, some are roots. The leaves are only here for a season. As soon as it gets cold and the wind blows, they are gone. The branches may be around for a several seasons but you have to be careful because they may break if there is a big storm. And the roots are special. They hold you up and help you be strong through any season and any storm.

No doubt there are names that come to mind of people who fall in each of these categories. However, Tyler made a statement that stopped me in my tracks. He said not to be angry with people that are leaves or branches because it is just who they are. They will never know or realize that they are a leaf or a branch; so don't try to convince them.

I confess that I have held some anger and resentment towards the leaves and branches in my life. I invested my time and my heart into friendships that didn't turn out to be what I thought they were. I expected that they would have the same standards as I do, only to find that the relationship was seasonal.

So with this new revelation from Tyler Perry, how do I let go of that resentment and realize that is just who they are?

For one... forgiveness. I will forgive the leaves for not being roots. I will forgive the branches for breaking under pressure. And I will choose to love them for who they are.

It is currently Fall; my favorite time of year. The leaves bring me joy. They bring vibrance before a cold winter. They are fun to rake and a blast to play in!

Several years ago, we had this huge ice storm. Branches everywhere cracked under the pressure. It looked like a war zone. I have a ginormous tree in my front yard. For years, every time the wind blew I was picking up dead branches from that ice storm. Some of the branches tried to stay around even longer than apparently was intended for them.

Unless you were here for the ice storm you wouldn't know it had happened by looking around now. The trees are still standing and they are still growing. They don't look the same as they did prior to the ice storm, but there are some amazing stories to tell.

Second, I will choose to focus on my roots. Even though my friend base has changed about every 7 years, out of each of those bases I found a root. There are a handful of people who I know will always hold me up. Life can send me droughts, ice storms, thunderstorms, even tornados; the roots remain. No matter how much time goes by, no matter where the jet streams take each of us, we will find each other. I am beyond thankful for each of them!

The tree in my front yard has to be 100 years old. It would take two of me to wrap around its base. There's no doubt it has seen a lot of seasons and a lot of storms. I'm sure there are some empty spots where strong branches used to be. I'm sure there are scars from where those branches broke off. For every year that the leaves fell off, another year produced more. Can you imagine how many leaves this tree has been through in its lifetime?

Then there's the side of the tree that I cannot see. The roots. I wonder how deep into the ground those roots go. How far out from the tree do those roots reach? In its lifetime, how many times have those roots kept this majestic tree standing?

Can you imagine? Can you apply? Can you challenge yourself?

Soul Candy

I hate leaving home even if it is something good. Leaving my house, my furry babies, and the land of familiarity brings a lot of unnecessary anxiety. There are no explanations for why I feel this way; it really is just a part of my personality. And generally once I get to my destination I am just fine!

Last week I attempted to take advantage of time away at training to look for soul candy. Anxiety would not get the best of me!

Soul candy is when God chooses to either reveal himself to me in different ways or allows me to experience things that I love.


Of course I was able to find some...

 

Everyone knows Fall is my favorite time of year. It just so happens that the trees have all been changing colors over the last week. Therefore, a three hour drive to my destination was perfect for enjoying God's beautiful canvas. Every time I came around a curve or over a hill, there was a new painting of reds, yellows, oranges, and greens. It was absolutely beautiful every time. I never get tired of it! 

Candy really helps strangers become friends, especially cherry flavored Twizzlers. My cheap little bribe (along with a shared interest in sarcasm) definitely worked. 

 

I ended up meeting some fun people! Nothing bonds Missourians quite like a Cardinals playoff game; so after training we headed to a bar and grill for food, drinks, and sports. Good thing the Cardinals won that night!

 

The people in this town were especially friendly. Everywhere I went people were smiling; joy really is contagious. However, I do wish that they would quit calling me 'maam'! This is a new trend that I have noticed since turning 30. Apparently, I now also look older and the youngins are no longer including me in their peer group. Positive... they were polite and had good manners. Negative... the manners made me feel 'older.'

 

I was very impressed with the hotel. It was probably one of the nicest hotels I've been put in for training. The check-in girl was very chipper and friendly, which this starving and exhausted girl definitely appreciated. My room was clean and updated. There was even a little stuffed animal that greeted me from the bed when I walked into the room! There was a gorgeous clubhouse with a pool right outside my window. It was way too cold to swim, but it was pretty. And the whole hotel was decorated to elicit the feeling of a mountain cottage get-a-way.

 

 

I did not sleep in the hotel very well; I never do. I missed my furry babies at night. There is always one positioned on my feet and the other by my side. It sure was nice to know that they missed me too!

The positive attitude spilled over into my weekend. It was jam packed with fun, friends, family, and worship. I want to do it again!

It is so amazing how God reveals His love for me when I'm actively looking. I had a lot of soul candy this week! I enjoyed a canvas of Fall colors during a 3 hour drive; I made some fun new friends; strangers were friendly and joyful; it was affirmed that my babies need me; and then I spent time with people I love doing things I love.

Praying that it continues to overflow into the coming week.

Curvy Girls vs Skinny Girls

I saw a heading today that read "Curvy girls are better than skinny girls." As a "curvy girl" this bothered me. Why does one have to be better than the other? Why does one side have to pick on the other in order to feel better? Better yet, why do there have to be sides at all?

My sister and I are completely different physically and our parents taught us that we are both beautiful. She is skinny; I am curvy. She has a square face and jaw like our mother; I have an oval face like our father. While she may have a long torso and flat stomach which is appealing to many, I have long legs and nice 'back side.' (Let me pause and giggle at myself for trying to find a polite way to say that.) No one would ever guess we are sisters since the only physical feature we share is our blond hair!

Typical sibling rivalry gets the best of both of us when we wish we had something the other has. There have been countless times we've tried to convince each other that what the other has is actually better. I can't imagine trying to convince her that what I've got is better. She is a beautiful skinny woman; I am a beautiful curvy woman.

As a woman, I completely understand the desire to change your body. We tend to compare our physical appearance to every one else and in the process wish we were different. For example, I don't like that when I'm smiling really big my gums show; I don't like that my hair is extremely thin; I don't like that extra weight accumulates around my mid section; I don't like that I have broad shoulders...

What I don't understand is the effort to put people that are different down in order to feel better. 

Because I am blond I could say blond girls are better than dark haired girls. Because I am tall I could say tall girls are better than short girls. Because I have light colored eyes I could say girls with light eyes are better than girls with dark eyes.

There is no logic in any of those statements.

Is this not the same thought process that is found at the root of racism, prejudice, sexism, bigotry, discrimination, etc.? In case you are now thinking 'whoa, Jennifer, is it really necessary to take it that far'... what about bullying?

With bullying being a hot topic, it is imperative that we set good examples for our children. What matters is not if someone is short or tall, male or female, curvy or skinny, but if they are kind, loving, giving, truthful, dependable...

There are so many women that turn to eating disorders, engage in self-harm behaviors, and stay in abusive relationships because they lack self-worth. Let's help each other find what's beautiful in each of us!

I am sure this statement was not made with any kind of intended malice. But we live in a society that already spends too much time tearing each other down. When these thoughts creep into our mind, we just need to be aware. The more aware we are of the negative thoughts we have towards people, the quicker we can change them. As the thoughts change, prejudice of any kind can change.

Red and yellow, black and white; they are precious in His sight.
Male and female, young and old; they are precious in His sight.
Tall and short, underweight and overweight; they are precious in His sight.
Round and oval shaped, square and triangle shaped; they are precious in His sight.

Let's exhort each other. Let's compliment our differences. And let's embrace the body we have. Not because the curvy body is better than the skinny body; not because the skinny body is better than the curvy body; but because God created all of us in His image.

Single Woman: The Thought Life

There are times that Satan has small victories in my thought life and I hate him for it. Every few months I seem to experience this cycle of feeling sorry for myself and the fact that I'm still single or that I don't yet have children of my own. There are sleepless nights spent thinking, wondering, and beating myself up about missed opportunities and opportunities that should have been missed.

Satan is an expert at placing self-doubt in these moments. The negative thoughts become a tidal wave. I am not pretty enough. Perhaps I'm unlovable; I don't deserve to find someone. I will always be alone. There must be something wrong with me... A woman's mind is so dangerous and at times Satan can be so strong.

I have several tricks I attempt to use to get rid of the negative talk. I sing a few of my favorite songs.  I quote scripture that it seems I've known forever to comfort me. And I pray. I know it's particularly bad when I wonder if God even hears me. Some of these sleepless nights I move to the couch and turn on the tv to focus my mind on something else. It seems I am just waiting out this horrendous cycle because this isn't me and this isn't the type of person I want to be.

I've said this before and I'll continue my mission to convince every woman to believe this about herself. I may not be the world's definition of beautiful; I may not turn heads when I enter a room. But my heavenly Father believes me to be the most beautiful being He's ever created. I am created in His image and I would never say that God is ugly! I am so loved that He sacrificed His Son so that I can spend eternity with Him. And I am never alone because He never leaves me. In the times I think He's not listening are the times that He is fighting a war with Satan over my life.

I've also always said that I'm willing to wait for what God has planned for me. There is a hope and peace in knowing that what God has planned for me is above and beyond what I have imagined for myself.

I still strongly believe that my day will come. I pray that the man who is to be my future husband is being blessed, following God's will for his life, and growing to be the kind of husband I need him to be. I pray that God is preparing me to be the wife my future husband deserves. I know that being a wife and mother will be the most important job I will ever have on this earth. I'm excited to get on with it... when it's the right time.

FaB FiVe FrIdAy

I have a few minutes left in my Friday to see if I've been blessed this week.  There's no doubt I can come up with a few :)

1.  The first thing that comes to mind is that I had a day off.  Read my previous post for a list of activities from that day.  I didn't actually get a full day away but I got some time away.

2.  On my mental health day, I went shopping.  Of course this is one of my favorite things to do!  But even more exciting... While at one of my all time favorite stores, Target, I found jeans that I love.  Not just jeans, but skinny jeans, to wear with my slightly obsessive collection of boots.  I don't exactly have the "skinny" to pull off the skinny jean typically but these fit me so good! 

3.  I had all of my employees back this week!  It was still crazy hectic busy, but last week 5 of them were gone to training!  So of course I had a huge appreciation for them all being back full swing this week.

4.  October started this week!  It's one of my all time favorite months.  I love the weather.  I love the colors.  The month of bonfires, pumpkin carving, candy, and corn mazes is here!  It is the best time of year to live in Missouri.

5.  Tonight, believe it or not, there was no line dancing.  So I took the opportunity to hang out with one of my best friends, who I've been neglecting here lately.  Dinner, talking, and a movie on the couch is all we need.  Love her! 

My theme this week was to try and enjoy the small things rather than

become overwhelmed with the big picture.  Happy weekend everyone!!!

Mental Health Day

As mental health professionals the last thing we know how to do is take care of our own mental health.  We have convinced ourselves that if we take time away from working and helping other people, the world will stop turning.  There's nobody else that can step into our role and know what to do, especially if crisis occurs.  Even if we do manage to get away, there's a debate whether it's even worth it because you have to work even harder to make sure nothing is needed while you're gone and you come back to endless needs that have to be addressed immediately. 

It almost feels like the system has set us up to fail.  The world may not literally stop turning, but who has a position that can be easily covered while they are gone to the point that the endless pile of needs does not exist when they come back? 

Today I attempted to take a mental health day.  I had actually told my director I needed one weeks ago.  The last time I had taken a day off was in March for my birthday.  There's been a lot of stress over the last several months with the conctract changing to a new agency, training new employees, still serving families, and just the normal every day practices.  The mind can only handle so much stress before it starts to take a toll on the body.  Even though I've needed a day off to just regroup, it wasn't until my director insisted that I followed through with taking it.  It is so hard not to feel guilty about taking time for ourselves.

What did I do?

First of all, I slept in... a little bit.  My car had an appointment at the car doctor for a check-up, where I unfortunately learned I need tires.  As I would normally do on a Tuesday, I donated plasma.  And... I answered my phone.  A day away from work would not be complete without having them call you a few times. 

Part of it comes with the territory.  As a supervisor in social services it is expected that phone calls will come 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  If we are to expect front line workers to be constantly available to clients they are serving, we have to always be available to them. 

As strange as it might sound, I actually didn't mind the phone calls today.  Instead of becoming frustrated about work calls, I chose to focus on the few things I did FOR ME.  I haven't told you that part yet!  A mental health day is supposed to improve mental health...

I went shopping and spent money I don't have :D  I did shop clearance and attempted to be somewhat financially responsible.  Just a little advice for you gentlemen... if you want your woman to feel good about herself, buy her some new clothes!  Feeling good in your clothes does wonders for the self-confidence (and mental health).  I took my time walking through the mall and treated myself to lunch.  On my way home, I again treated myself with Andy's Frozen Custard!  It's October, which means time for the Pumpkin Pie Concrete!!!  (I know there are a lot of jealous people right now.)  And I spent the evening at home. 

Mental health days are absolutely necessary for everyone.  We all need time to ourselves.  But even if you can't get away completely, remember to focus on the moments that are about you.  Participate in activities that help you de-stress.  A few weeks back I went for a 90 minute massage after work.  Again without fail, there was a work crisis during my massage and I heard my phone vibrating.  But that 90 minutes was for me; for that 90 minutes work was not my focus.  I may not have had a full 24 hours to myself today, but I did have the majority of the day to myself.  I got to sleep!  I bought new clothes!  I had frozen custard!  I cuddled with my furry babies! 

For my final ME activity of the day, I'm going to go do my nails :D