Beauty in the Return

I've been reading and thinking a lot lately about Israel. How frustrating it is that they repeatedly turn away from God; they repeatedly return to idols; they repeatedly sucumb to sin. Yet, the Lord repeatedly forgives His people and repeatedly gives them another chance.

I get so angry with Israel because they never learn their lesson. I wonder why the Lord put up with their betrayal. Yes, He got angry. Yes, He punished them. But, He had the power to destroy them and He didn't.

Why?!?

Just as much as God is a jealous God, He is a merciful God. His love sometimes allows us to fall so that we call on Him to pick us up.

"I will depart and return to My place until they recognize their guilt and seek My face they will search for Me in their distress." Hosea 5:15

When Israel fails, then they would cry out to God. Over and over again. And over and over again God rescues them. Take a look at Psalm 107 as Israel repeatedly falls. In verses 6, 13, 19, AND 28, "they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He rescued them from their distress." When they called upon the Lord, He delivered them from the problem.

The failing spirits of the people were ugly. Captivity and darkness were ugly. Afflictions were ugly. The storms were ugly. The wickedness in the people was definitely ugly.

But it all leads to the return.

"But you must return to your God. Maintain love and justice, and always put your hope in God."

Hosea 12:6

The RETURN is beautiful.

 

In the return there is hope. In the return the sovereignty and power of God cannot be denied. In the return we praise Him for His "faithful love and wonderful works." (Also stated in Psalm 107 following each of the above verses.)

If Israel failed so many times, yet the Lord loved them enough to deliver them, He can do the same for me as I fail repeatedly.

For me, there is no denying that the stories of Israel are a reflection of ME. And there is beauty in the return.

"No matter what you’ve done, no matter how off-key you’ve been, no matter how much your tune has had you squirming in your seat, it’s never too late in the song to return to Him."

Spiritual Journey (9)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (8)

Just before leaving for Haiti I experienced a heart of thankfulness that was refreshing. I attempted to pray for my ongoing requests and for important people in my life, but the Holy Spirit said 'no.' All I needed to do was praise God for who He is and all the things He was doing in my life at the time.

"Those who look to Him are radiant with joy' their faces will never be ashamed." Psalm 34:5

As a Christian, there is nothing that compares to being in the Lord's presence full of radiant joy.


Journal entry: 5/1/13

It's been such a busy day. I'm so excited that I have a hard time staying focused. But yet a lot to get done.

First of all, praise God I was actually able to sleep last night. I even overslept this morning. That usually doesn't happen.

What I found most interesting was during prayer this morning all I could do was praise God. I praise Him for the opportunity to go to Haiti. I thank Him for what He's done in my life already and what He's going to do. He's protected me and provided for me. I even thanked Him for the gift of singleness. Definitely never thought I'd be there.

Interestingly, yesterday I had fasted. I've been doing that once a week for the last month in preparation of going to Haiti. And I believe that's where my heart of thanks came from today. Even when I'd start praying for my normal requests I couldn't.  

This moment was a pure happy moment between God and I.

Spiritual Journey (8)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (7)

I'm not big on compliments but every one needs a little encouragement.

These words of encouragement came to me in a time that I was feeling completely inadequate. The message was random; this person had no idea that I needed it. Therefore, I have no doubt God wanted to remind me that I just need to do my best, and He can do the rest.


Journal entry: 4/28/13

I don't deserve them. I don't take compliments well. They make me very uncomfortable. But there are some words from people that are encouraging to me.

My passion and drive in life is to love people. My hope is that others see Christ through my acts of love. So when someone thanks me for my faith it makes me smile.

I received a text tonight from a former coworker that said, "Your faith made me a better person for knowing you and I just wanted to share that with you." God has always used other people to send me messages and especially since this message was so random there is no doubt where it came from.

This comes at a time that I'm struggling with the idea that some may think I'm weak. Satan has made me feel guilty for things I did or didn't do, or things I did or didn't say. I've been praying that God use even the difficult circumstances for His glory.

Compliments are nice but don't always carry a lot of weight. Encouragement, however, is good for the heart. I want to do a better job of encouraging others.

Spiritual Journey (7)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (6)

This is probably one of my favorite journal entries leading to my trip to Haiti. It speaks to the provisions of God for His children.

On that night I remember being overwhelmed with emotion. Should I get up and do a happy dance for Jesus; or should I fall to my knees and cry with joy? I think I might have done both :)


Journal Entry: 4/22/13

Matthew 6: 25-33

This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the sky: They don't sow or reap or gather into them. Aren't you worth more than they? So don't worry, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear?' For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God always has a way of coming through. Worry is what I do; it's what I'm best at. One of the biggest reasons I almost backed out of going to Haiti was financial reasons. My income barely pays the bills and sometimes I have to utilize savings to get through the rest of the month. When I had to use savings to put tires on my car it was a huge blow. I also lost a source of some extra income I had coming in each month. My bills started falling behind. A few unexpected medical bills and Satan almost had me giving up.

However, God promises me He will give me what I need if I seek the kingdom of God and righteousness... And tonight He came through!

I was opening my stack of mail and found three wonderful surprises. First, I received my second rebate card from the purchase of the tires. Maybe I can use that to buy the supplies I need or to finally finish a couple projects. Then I opened up something from my mortgage company to find a check from the overage on my escrow account. And the best part, my house payment is going down $30 per month!

Woohoo!

Praise Jesus!

I remember when that payment went up I wondered how I would ever do it. Just think two years ago God had plans to use it to bless me now!

I am so blessed; my cup runneth over. I don't deserve this kind of mercy, but my Father loves me so much He meets my needs anyway.

Spiritual Journey (6)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (5)

The journal entry I'm sharing today was my prayer in my spiritual journey to Haiti back on that particular day. And it is a prayer I continue to have today. Lord, make me broken, make me empty, make me lonely.


Journal Entry: 4/21/13

As I'm preparing for Haiti I'm trying to focus on the spiritual journey. God has revealed so much to me about spiritual warfare, prayer, and vulnerability. I know, without a doubt, that this trip is also about what I can learn so that I can be used to do things effectively for God. I don't know that I will see miracles happen or even one person will come to know Him because of anything I do. But I do strive for obedience, for humility, for a closer relationship than I've ever had before.

"Keep Making Me"

by Sidewalk Prophets

 

Make me broken

So I can be healed

Cause I'm so calloused

And now I can't feel

I want to run to You

With heart wide open

Make me broken

 

Make me empty

So I can be filled

Cause I'm still holding

On to my will

And I'm completed

When you are with me

Make me empty

 

Til You are my one desire

Til You are my one true love

Til You are my breath, my everything

Lord, please keep making me

 

Make me lonely

So I can be Yours

Til I want no one

More than You, Lord

Cause in the darkness

I know You will  hold me

Make me lonely

In order to find greater peace I must first be broken; in order to find greater fulfillment I need to be empty; and in order to find greater joy in Him I must first visit loneliness.

Spiritual Journey (5)

Continued from Spiritual Journey (4)

The journal entry I'm sharing today speaks to a major lesson that the Lord has been teaching me this year... It's okay to be vulnerable.

In preparation for my trip to Haiti I had to practice this many times. This was one of those days...


Journal Entry: 4/16/13

Tonight I had dinner with Theresa from church. She is someone I've always felt a special connection with. So I wanted to tell her about everything that has been happening.

 

I talked about my depression and Satan's recent attacks that almost kept me from going to Haiti. It was so nice to have someone say they understand and to encourage me. She didn't judge me but shared some of her own challenges.

 

I always have fear of being vulnerable because I might appear weak. As a Christian I shouldn't be depressed. As a Social Worker I should set better boundaries for myself. But that's not at all the response I got.

 

God is teaching me that it's okay to be more vulnerable with people. I don't always have to be perfect. I don't always have to have it all together.

 

Theresa agreed to be a prayer partner for my trip. She stated she was going to pray that this trip would change my life. Oh Lord, help me to accept the answer to that prayer! Theresa's husband has also been to Haiti before so she is aware of how difficult this trip could be and how Satan will fight against it.

 

I'm definitely thankful for her! And I'm thankful that God is giving me courage.

A Great Leader, Part 3

Continued from A Great Leader, Part 2

A great leader sets a great example.

The leader in any institution sets the tone and demonstrates the servant heart when they lead by example. If I want those who follow me to be positive, respectful, honest, hard working... then I need to set the example for positivity, respectfulness, honesty, and hard work.

How often do you hear a parent say they don't know where their child gets the attitude or foul language while they complain and cuss about the traffic, their boss, the government, etc? It's common sense (I wish!) that the child learns from following the parent's example.

My pastor recently did a couple of sermons on what it means to be a spiritual leader.

Characteristics of a Spiritual Leader

1. Bold (1 Thessalonians 2:2)

2. Honest (1 Thessalonians 2:3-6)

3. Sensitive (1 Thessalonians 2:7)

4. Loving (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

5. Hard Working (1 Thessalonians 2:9)

6. Transparent (1 Thessalonians 2:10)

7. Encouraging (1 Thessalonians 2:11)

I strive to achieve these characteristics, not only as a spiritual leader, but in any leadership position I might hold professionally, in my family, with my friends, and in my church. ( I'm not always the most encouraging so I may need some pushing in that area ;)


Jesus Christ took the time to provide a perfect example of a great leader:

"Before the Passover Festival, Jesus knew that His hour had come to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end...

So He got up from supper, laid aside His robe, took a towel, and tied it around Himself. Next, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples feet and to dry them with the towel tied around Him...

When Jesus had washed their feet and put on His robe, He reclined again and said to them, "Do you know what I have done for you? You call Me Teacher and Lord. This is well said, for I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you. I assure you: A slave is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them."

John 13:1, 4-5, 12-17

Jesus Christ humbled Himself to complete the duties of a servant by washing His disciples feet. He acknowledged Himself as their leader while showing them how to lead by example.

By pulling traits from leaders in my life and learning from the perfect example set by Jesus Christ, I want to be a great leader by:

• Setting a positive tone
• Having a servant's heart
• And, setting the example

A Great Leader, Part 2

Continued from A Great Leader, Part 1


A great leader has a servant's heart.

When I remember the people who have been great leaders in my life, there's one common thread... they had a servant's heart. They didn't just tell me what to do, they showed me how to do it and helped me to accomplish things.

 

I had one supervisor that never told me what to do when I was problem solving a situation. Instead, she helped me find my own solution. She listened as I talked through it and asked questions to guide me along the way. By allowing me to come to my own conclusion, she communicated to me that she had faith and trust in my abilities.

 

I had one supervisor who always had a listening ear, whether it was work or home related. Through her ability to always make time for each one of her employees, she was able to communicate that she cared.  

 

And not-work-related... my parents have demonstrated leadership skills and been servants to me my entire life. How many times did they unselfishly give up something they needed to make sure I got to play sports, be in band, and go on trips? How many times have they aided me in finding my own solutions to problems while being there to catch me when I failed? They clearly represent what it means to lead with love and a servant's heart.

 

I believe the best leaders in my life have been the ones that sought to help me, to teach me, and to serve me because they cared. And each of them had characteristics that I want to imitate in my role as a leader.

One of my favorite movies is 'We Were Soldiers' starring Mel Gibson. It is a story about the first major battle of the Vietnam War. Mel Gibson plays a Lieutenant, Colonel Hal Moore, who is dedicated to the men who serve underneath him. He spends a great deal of time training and preparing his men for battle. He shows genuine concern for what is happening in their personal lives. Before going into battle Moore promises his men that he will be the first to step on the field in battle and the last to step off. He does exactly that even when his superiors urge him to leave the battle field for his own safety.

There's one scene in 'We Were Soldiers' that is the best example I have ever seen of a servant leader. The scene clearly distinguishes between two types of leaders. The servant leader seeks to find out why the men are falling behind, help them solve the problem, and then hold them accountable for following through with the solution. The power hungry leader blames the men for not keeping up and seeks to humiliate and demean the men for falling behind.

 

Which leader would you rather follow? Which leader would you rather be?

To be continued....

Spiritual Journey (4)

Sometimes I did write in my journal twice in one day. There was a lot going on so I wanted to make sure to document as much as possible, especially the blessings.

To read Spiritual Journey (3) click here


Journal Entry: 4/9/13

"But seek His kingdom, and these things will be provided for you."

Luke 12:31

God continues to remind me that He's present. I randomly decided to text a girl that has visited our Bible fellowship class to see how she's doing. She asked about my mission trip and the blessing I received in the mail yesterday. When I told her it was money for my trip she asked how much more I needed to raise, which then led to her saying she would send me the money.

Enter tears of amazement here...

I barely know this girl or anything about her and she's willing to help me. I randomly thought to check on her and I'm the one that receives the blessing.

I keep thinking about the quote from Hope Floats when the grandmother says "My cup runneth over."

THANK YOU JESUS!!!

A Great Leader, Part 1

Everyone is a leader in some capacity. Everyone has someone that follows them. And everyone has to follow someone. Some lead a family, some lead a small group, some lead a work group, some lead an organization, some lead a sports team, some lead a church, some lead a classroom, some lead a nation...

 

The topic of leadership has always interested me. What are the qualities of a great leader? What kind of leader do I want to follow? What kind of leader do I want to be?

I have found some common themes that create what I believe to be great leaders. I don't want to be good enough; I want to great.

A great leader sets a positive tone.

It's pretty self explanatory, but it is not common sense. The attitude in any institution starts at the top and trickles down.

• Front-line workers reflect the attitude of supervisors who reflect the attitudes of directors who reflect the attitudes of top decision makers in a company.
• Children reflect the attitude of their mother who reflects the attitude of their father in a family.
• Students reflect the attitude of their teacher who reflect the attitude of their principal who reflect the attitude of the district's superintendent in a school system.
• A Christian reflects the attitude of the Sunday School teacher who reflects the attitude of the deacons and ministers who reflect the attitude of the pastor in a church.

I think you get my point. It starts at the top. So if a leader wants an atmosphere of positive support and teamwork, he/she needs to lift up their followers and believe in their abilities to contribute to the wanted outcomes.

 

One of my favorite movies 'Remember the Titans' has a great scene about how the attitude of the leader is reflected in those around him/her.

 

"Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to remind people that you are, you aren't."

~ Margaret Thatcher



To be continued...

Spiritual Journey (3)

I am sharing excerpts from my personal journal regarding my spiritual journey to Haiti and back.

To read Spiritual Journey (1) click here.

To read Spiritual Journey (2) click here.


Journal Entry: 4/9/13

As if there's an alarm clock in my head, I woke up at 4 a.m. I wasn't in a panic this time until my brain shifted towards the day and my to do list, towards the trip, and towards some situations in my personal life.

I started singing. This song was placed by God and I sang it in my head until I fell asleep again. I sang it so many times in fact that it started to become annoying, but I needed it.

Through You I can do anything

I can do all things

For it's You who gives me strength

Nothing is impossible

Through you blind eyes are open

Strongholds are broken

I am living by faith

Nothing is impossible

Back to the Basics

 

This last weekend, as a present to my dad for his birthday, we spent some quality time together playing golf. Keep in mind that I have no clue how to play golf. So, I guess the present was actually allowing him to teach me something new.

 

 

I learned how to grip a club; I learned the awkward stance; I learned how to swing (you would think that would be easy but it's not!); I learned to keep my head down. Knowing how to even hit the golf ball is essential to learning how to play golf. Dad was teaching me the basics.

 

Even though he's played golf for as long as I can remember, this mini session on a mini course was helpful to him as well. It forced him to remember the basics and evaluate his own swing and his own game. He was focused on his form so that I could follow his example.

 

It's helpful to go back to the basics.

This also applies to our Christian lives...

 

Twice recently I've heard someone say to take it back to the cross. At the time they were referring to a sermon or a lesson; it should always lead back to the cross. But I believe every Christian needs to remember the basics.

 

A new or young Christian needs to start at the cross in order to grow in their spiritual life. A mature Christian needs to go back to the cross to remember what our Savior did for us and make the foundation of his/her faith constantly stronger. AND a mature Christian should focus on the cross as an example to anyone following him/her.

 

 

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but it is God's power to us who are being saved."

1 Corinthians 1:18

 

"He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death - even to death on a cross."

Philippians 2:8

 

"He did this so that He might reconcile both (Jew and Gentile) to God in one body through the cross and put the hostility to death by it."

Ephesians 2:16

 

"But as for me, I will never boast about anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Galations 6:14

Spiritual Journey (2)

Spiritual Journey, Act 1 (click here)


Journal Entry: 4/8/13 (continued)

I already discussed how my anxiety and depression has been increasing. This morning was a perfect example.

At 4 a.m. I woke in a panic. I don't know why or what about, but I was unsettled. I began with the prayer that God would take it from me, but the feeling stayed. Eventually I moved to the couch and turned on the TV, while continuing to mumble prayers.

I felt anxious and overwhelmed with the thoughts about my trip. The spiritual war going on in my life consumed my thoughts.

I pulled myself to my knees and began to weep. I don't remember everything God and I talked about or what I asked for, but guess what happened... I fell asleep in the arms of my Lord.

I may have only had an hour left before needing to get up for work but that hour was indescribably peaceful.

Unfortunately, the spiritual battle continued when I woke up. As I prepared for work I could feel my anxiety continue to increase until I was in tears. I went through the motions of the morning and tried to control my feelings. Eventually it began to take a physical toll on my stomach.

Yes, Satan was fighting hard today. However, God continued to remind me He's there. One of my online devotions led me to Joshua 1 where God repeatedly tells Joshua (four times in that one chapter) to be strong and courageous. God was calling Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land after Moses' death. Why was it so important for Joshua to be strong and courageous that God told him four times? He also says in this chapter "I will never leave you or forsake you." And, "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Even to Haiti? Yes! There was so much encouragement in this chapter for me today.

Another blessing reached me tonight. I received a card and check from my grandma to put towards my trip! With my financial difficulties lately, I don't have words of appreciation that properly express how I feel.

It's been a tough day, but God is always present. He is a fire of protection around me! He is my Comforter! He is my Provider!

Spiritual Journey (1)

I want to start sharing details of the spiritual journey I have been maneuvering my way through so far this year. It involves Satan's attacks, the Lord's blessings, and my mission trip to Haiti. I've been keeping a journal throughout this time with hopes of documenting my progress. I wanted to keep record of how the Lord helped me to overcome. I wanted to be able to remember some of the smaller blessings that sometimes get forgotten over time.

 

I believe I'm finally at a point where I can share pieces of that journey with you. By revealing some of the vulnerable moments in my life this year from my personal journal, I'm hoping to reveal the victory that comes from allowing the Lord to be Lord of your life.

 

By no means is the journey over, but it's a start!

 

Here is the very first journal entry I made.

 

 

Journal Entry: 4/8/13

 

I am anxious to start this journal. I had to run out to buy it because my hand is dying to write about this experience... my trip to Haiti.

 

Last night was our first team meeting, and it left me both nervous and excited. Bro. Paul talked about how Haiti is such a voodoo country. It is literally controlled by Satan. There will be people demon possessed walking the streets. It's not safe for white people to be out at night. And never, ever be alone.

 

Now those are already good safety precautions for traveling to any foreign country. But there is a real safety threat.

 

We will have to plan our own meals because none of the food there is safe. It is completely unsanitary with trash and sewage everywhere. The smell, we've been warned, is the worst smell you've ever smelled. Bro. Paul went as far to say that it is a good picture of hell... the smells... the filth... the demons.

 

This is my first trip to a third world country, but so far that doesn't scare me.

 

However, the last few months have been especially rough on me mentally, financially, emotionally, and physically. Now I know why. 

 

The comment was made about Satan attacking us even before the trip and that's exactly what I've been experiencing. I was dating someone that suddenly changed. Money kept slipping through my fingers that I needed to pay for the trip. I almost decided not to go at all. I put new tires on my car. My bills kept falling behind. I haven't been able to donate plasma. And the worst attack of all has been mentally and emotionally. My anxiety has been progressively worsening. And I've been slipping into depression. Satan has even attacked me physically. I hardly ever get sick. For over a month my body has been battling a cough and last week a sinus infection. I am currently on antibiotics!

 

I've made the comment to some people that I feel like I'm in the middle of a spiritual battle. Turns out, I'm right.

 
So my biggest fear is 'what else?' I'm sure Satan isn't done with me. We don't leave for another 3 1/2 weeks.
 
I wrote a blog at the beginning of the year stating I wanted this year to be the one that I experienced divine revelations that would change my life. Well here goes. Satan will not win this battle!

Conquer!

During my devotions, sometimes a single word will jump out at me. The word of today...

Conquer.

 

It's a strong word.

 

"For this is what love for God is: to keep His commands. Now His commands are not a burden, because whatever has been born of God conquers the world. This is the victory that has conquered the world: our faith."

1 John 5:4

 

Because I have been born of God; because I have the Love of God living inside me; because of my faith in Christ as the Son of God; He tells me I can conquer the world. I have victory.

 

This world can be so discouraging. Some days are so long. Some days go too fast. Stress. Exhaustion. Heartache. People we love are in pain. Friends are going through trials.

 

But, as a child of God and because of His great Love, He says... CONQUER!

Memories of Dad

Memories of my dad on Father's Day:

 

Back in the day!

 

It's his fault I LOVE basketball. When I was 12 years old he wanted me to play on a park board team. I was resistant and had absolutely no desire to play sports. So we made a deal... If he would be my coach, I would play basketball. And the rest is history...

When I was little there were two magic words that could get me anything I wanted when put together... "Daaaddyyyy, PLEEEEEEASE!"

When I wore holes into my black high-top Reeboks, he bought me another pair. It didn't matter that they were probably more than he could afford.

My dad LOVES animals. He tries to play tough but he's an even bigger softy than we are.


My parents have always gotten us Easter baskets. They were delivered by Dad, which usually meant him hopping like a bunny from his bed room, a basket in each hand.



Working a parade

There are a few perks to being the child of a police officer, such as free ride tickets at the fair. When we were little we got to go to work with dad when there was a parade. It was like having front row seats at a concert :-) At the end of the parade he would pull in behind the procession. I would pretend I was the guest of honor and wave to everyone as we drove by. I was IN the parade!

  

One thing Dad and I always shared was a love for roller coasters. He and I can ride one after another after another together.

Oh the lectures... Fatality car accidents, teenagers getting into bad situations, abuse and neglect, etc. Being the child of a police officer also means being told about all the things that MIGHT happen.

Dad has always enjoyed trying to embarrass me. When I was in the 3rd grade, we went to the school book fair. Dad approached the boy I had a crush on and asked the poor 9-year-old 'what are your intentions with my daughter?' I was absolutely mortified! 

I don't know if he remembers this but it's also his fault that I went into Social Work. I was helping him deliver a semi truck one day and we were discussing what major I should choose. My school would no longer allow me to be undecided. He asked me if I'd considered Social Work.... hmmmm.... There's an option! I began looking into the possibility. Again, the rest is history...

 

If school was cancelled due to ice or snow, my dad drove around and picked up teenagers from the church. We were delivered to the homes of the elderly from church so we could shovel their driveways. Then we played! Which usually meant pulling saucers behind the vehicle in the fields. 

Not only was Dad our chauffeur during snow days, but also in the not so rare event of toilet papering other members of the youth department or members of the church. He would drop off a carload of kids; drive around; and return to pick us up when we were finished. 

Gangster

One of Dad's favorite things to yell when I was playing basketball was, "God gave you those hips for a reason! Use them!" Everyone heard him.

My dad has always been willing to rescue me. In college I locked my keys in the car while it was running; he drove all the way to Bolivar to unlock it. When critters get under my house or I think I hear someone outside late at night, he drives into town to take a look around. He'd rather be safe than sorry!

Dad bought my first car. And my second. And my third. He needs to be needed ;-)

My first year of college I was waitressing at local restaurant and I was miserable. I broke down crying one Sunday because I was working, AGAIN, and not able to go to church. I hadn't been to church in almost 2 months! I called my dad and he said, "Quit." He told me I had the rest of my life to work. I needed to focus on my first year of college and he would take care of everything.

My dad is a talker! I was forced many times to wait on him while he finished talking. He would hand me the car keys (this was before I had a license) and tell me to practice driving around the parking lot.

Dad loved this; I can't say we felt the same. The boat once broke down in the middle of the lake. While he pulled from the front, my sister and I pushed from the back. We waded through dirty, moss filled water to get the boat back to the dock. My swimming suit was ruined. But Dad... he had the time of his life :-P

Dad had a '67 Chevy pickup for a while. Of all times for him to choose for me to practice driving, he once picked a day he was taking me to an open gym. I had been lifting weights and working out all week. My muscles were already sore! I was tense and nervous driving his old pick-up into town; I could not mess up that truck. Not good for already sore muscles!

Dad loves to teach. He's been involved in teaching many different Sunday School classes. But I've always told him he attracts the misfits. He adopts the people and families that don't fit anywhere else. Some of the families may not have extended family support and he turns into 'grandpa'. That's his special niche.
 

 I guess one of the biggest memories of my dad will always be that he was my youth director at church for most of my teenage years. That almost always meant a house full of teenagers. It sometimes meant sharing my bedroom with displaced kids. And... whether I liked it or not, many other kids called him DAD.

Father's Day 2013

 

 

Then and Now

I have become obsessed with the Psalms lately. The writers are honest about how they are feeling. Nothing is held back from God.

  

One night back in March, I came home angry. I spent the night crying out to God. In my weakness I asked 'why?' It was no coincidence that the next morning a friend sent me scripture that depicted exactly how I was feeling.

 

Psalm 6

O Lord, don't rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in you rage.

Have compassion on me Lord, for I am weak.

Heal me Lord for my bones are in agony.

I am sick at heart. How long O Lord, until you restore me?

Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love.

For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?

I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping,

drenching it with my tears.

My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.

Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping.

The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.

May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified. May they suddenly turn back in shame.

 

At the beginning of the year I had embarked on a spiritual journey, and Satan was seeking to destroy my joyfulness and my spirit. I do plan to share parts of this journey with you by revealing exerpts from my personal journal really soon. But today I want you to know that Psalm 6 is not my current state. Today, almost 3 months later, I find another Psalm:

 

Psalm 116

I love the Lord because He has heard my appeal for mercy.

Because He has turned His ear to me, I will call out to Him as long as I live.

The ropes of death were wrapped around me, and the torments of Sheol overcame me;

I encountered trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of Yahweh: "Yahweh, save me!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is compassionate.

The Lord guards the inexperienced; I was helpless, and He saved me.

Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.

For You, Lord, rescued me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.

I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

I believed, even when I said, "I am severely afflicted."

In my alarm I said, "Everyone is a liar."

How can I repay the Lord for all the good He has done for me?

I will take the cup of salvation and call on the name of Yahweh.

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people.

The death of His faithful ones is valuable in the Lord's sight.

Lord, I am indeed Your servant; I am Your servant, the son of your female servant.

You have loosened my bonds.

I will offer You a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of Yahweh.

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people,

in the courts of the Lord's house - within you Jerusalem.

Hallelujah!

One thing the Psalms are reminding me is that I can pour out my emotions before God, both good and bad. I can cry to Him in my helplessness and sadness. I can ask 'why' when I'm angry. And I can laugh with Him in joy. He is my Father and my Friend. But at the end of each one, the psalmists always praise God. He's still glorified for who He is, what He's done, and what He's going to do.

Remember. Remember the past and how the Lord has blessed you. Remember the pain, and remember the joy.

I look at the difference in these two Psalms. Each of them depict the emotions I was feeling at two different points in time. Praise God for His deliverance. I cannot repay what He has done for me, but I can follow through with the commitment I've made to follow and serve Him.

 



The Compassion of a Heavenly Father

The Lord has so many attributes it is difficult for the human brain to comprehend everything He is. I have to admit that sometimes I focus so much on Him as Sovereign, Holy, Righteous, Wise, Eternal, Omnipotent... And I forget some of the more personal attributes: Longsuffering, Merciful, Faithful, Loving, Truthful... Compassionate.

Let this term sink in for a second... FATHER.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust." ~Psalm 103:13-14 NIV

 

A father is many things. A protector. A provider. A leader. A disciplinarian. But how often do we remember that a father is also someone who shows sympathy, mercy, and compassion to his children?

I looked up the definition of compassion: "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it."

A father hates to see his child go through trials and and tests in life. Some fathers are so protective they seek out ways to keep any hurt from reaching their children. And if pain happens to impact a child, the father hurts right along with the child. A father wants to alleviate distress.

Our heavenly Father is no different. He feels our pain and has compassion on us as His children. He wants to take away the hurt.

Father's Day is next weekend (in case you forgot.) Some have earthly fathers who seek to be the example the Lord has set. Some don't. Whichever category you fall into, there is a heavenly Father who is willing to protect you, provide for you, guide you, and have compassion on you.

I hope you have a personal relationship with the Lord so that you can call Him Father.  



Going Good Blues

I'm pretty sure I could have one of the strangest fears of all fears... The fear of being too happy.

 

I love Reba. I'm not necessarily talking about Reba McEntire the country singer (even though she is one of the classiest women in entertainment.) But I love Reba, the sitcom. In one of the episodes, Reba perfectly described this very unique fear of mine... 'the going good blues.'

 

What are the 'going good blues'?

"The feeling we all get when things are going really good, but we're just waiting for things to go bad." ~Reba

Perhaps my fear isn't necessarily of being happy as much as what comes after the natural high of things going well, feeling blessed, and having fun. If I allow myself to feel joy, success, enjoyment, satisfaction, delight, contentment... Then sadness, grief, disappointment, dissatisfaction, and discontentment might soon follow.

That's really what I want to avoid.

However, I can tell you from experience that completely shutting off emotions in order to avoid the negative feelings is also not a fun place to be. It's lonely there and there's no satisfaction in it.

It is not the Lord's will that we live in fear, especially the fear of being happy. He wants us to celebrate the blessings He has given us and the salvation we have found in Him. Christ tells us in John, "I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete." (John 15:11)

So, in the words of Reba, "The key is not to worry about what could go wrong, but just enjoy all the things that are going right."

Marinating in the Word

"He doesn't want us to just meditate on His Word; you might say he wants us to marinate in it!"

 

What a strong mental picture has just been painted in my mind. Can you picture it...

 

The big BBQ is planned for Saturday and it's going to be a celebration. There will be corn on the cob, baked potatoes, pasta salad, potato salad, sweet tea, brownies, cookies, and ice cream. Because this is a special BBQ, there won't be any hamburgers or hot dogs. Instead we are going to have steak and chicken! Saturday morning, or maybe even Friday night, the meat is completely submerged in a homemade marinade. The juices and seasonings are soaked deep into the meat in order to give it the richest flavor possible.

 

Are you hungry yet?

 

A few months ago I was struggling with several different things and I was completely lost in what I should do. There were many sleepless nights; four a.m. and I became really good friends. There were times throughout the day that I became overwhelmed with emotion. And, I didn't want to be around people.

 

The only thing I knew to do was immerse myself in the only constant we have here on earth, the Word. I had two Bible studies going at one time. Prayer was essential all day long. And throughout the day, no matter where I was, I would read scripture from the Bible app on my phone. (There's one way that a smart phone can be used to glorify God!)

 

I was marinating my soul in the Word so that the rich flavors of Jesus Christ would be alive in my life. And I'm happy to report that I have returned to a state of joy with a heart full of God's love.  

"I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete."

~John 15:11

 

"I keep the Lord in my mind always. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my spirit rejoices; my body also rests securely. You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures."

~Psalm 16:8,9,11

 

Overcoming Heaviness

"Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God's throne."
Hebrews 12:1-2

For the last three months, burdens have weighed me down. My nature is to help people and solve problems; and my natural personality is to worry and become anxious. The heaviness causes me to lose focus on the positives surrounding me and I begin to feel out of control. So the first thought that jumps at me from this scripture is to "lay aside every weight" ... To give up control... To know that Jesus Christ bears my burdens... I need to be reminded of this regularly; it is an ongoing struggle in my life.

As the heaviness of burdens overwhelm me, the word JOY leaps out. Jesus Christ endured the ultimate suffering on the cross, and He did it with joy. I've been looking at prayer a lot recently, and I've studied the prayer of Jesus at Gethsemane just before Judas betrayed Him. Overcome with sorrow and the heaviness of the burden He was carrying, Jesus asked God to take it away. This is so familiar to me! But Jesus knew he had to endure the pain to fulfill God's plan so He ends the prayer with "Yet not as I will, but as You will." How difficult that must have been for Him to say. How difficult that is for me to say in my own prayer life when I'm begging God to change my circumstances! I've been challenged recently to use this phrase in my prayer life to turn my attitude toward God's will, away from my own will, and to find joy in heartache.

Recently I have been encouraged by fellow believers. These are people that don't know me, but I see love in their actions. Even though I haven't shared what's on my heart, they have asked how I'm doing and wait to actually hear an answer. They've prayed for me and with me. And I've been pushed out of my comfort zone more than once in recent months. I thank God for them. I watch in amazement as God performs miracles in each of their lives and I desire to be a part of it. It is such an encouragement to be surrounded by "a large cloud of witnesses"; it's something I've been missing for a very long time.

After laying aside the weights, focusing on the joy of fulfilling God's will for my life, and leaning on the cloud of witnesses surrounding me, I will be able to "run with endurance the race."

I'm definitely not perfect, but I strive towards the perfection of Christ every day. These verses tell me how to overcome the heaviness of the burdens that sometimes paralyze me. Hopefully, I can use even the difficult circumstances to bring glory to God.

Spiritual Birthday

The other day it dawned on me that I had a mile marker of a spiritual birthday this year! I don't know why it came to mind. Perhaps it was the Easter holiday. Maybe I was thinking about the end of my birthday month or that it was my sister's birthday. Knowing how randomly my mind tracks from one thought to the next I could have been thinking about the cold or the rain or that my favorite color is purple.

Twenty-five years ago... yes that is a quarter of a century ago... I asked for God to forgive me and for Jesus to be Lord of my life.


My story...

I was 6 years old and in the first grade. At the time we were living in a 2 bedroom duplex near the airport in St. Louis. My dad had recently gotten out of the Air Force and was trying to find full-time employment so we were moving around quite a bit.

In the weeks leading up to THE BIGGEST DECISION OF MY LIFE, my mother's grandmother had passed away. For an analytical 6 year old child, there were questions about death and heaven and hell. My mother would answer my questions, and then she allowed me the time to think on the answer.

I am a very blessed girl because I had Godly parents that made sure I was in church every Sunday from the time I came home from the hospital. I knew who God was. I knew that Jesus Christ was the Son of God. I knew that Jesus died on a cross because He loved me.

At one point I made the comment to my mother that if we all died I'd be the only one not to go to heaven. I knew that I did not have the relationship with God that I needed in order to spend eternity with Him and my family.

I don't remember my mother's grandmother dying or the funeral. I don't remember all the questions I asked or the things I said. But let me tell you what I do remember...

One night I was getting ready for bed. It was a normal night in the middle of the week. I brushed my teeth and went to say goodnight to my mom with my shadow of a little sister right on my heels. As I walked into the living room, I remember saying "Mom, I want to get saved." I knelt on my knees at the coffee table and I prayed. I prayed that God would forgive me for my sins and that Jesus would be Lord of my life.

It was that simple.

I've heard Christians say that children can't get saved. I did. Religion sometimes puts so many complications on salvation. But it doesn't have to be complicated. It isn't complicated.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9.

Sometimes I start to believe that my testimony isn't very powerful. I haven't experienced tragedy or great loss. I've not suffered through addictions or a long list of unhealthy relationships. I don't have a story about how horrible my life was before I turned it over to God.

What my testimony does say is believe that Jesus loves you; believe in His death and resurrection; confess your need for Him; and you too can spend eternity with Christ.

I don't think I could have survived the ups and downs of life without my relationship with Christ to carry me through it. My faith is sometimes the only thing that gets me up in the morning. My faith has led me to a life of service through Social Work. And I will testify that I am enormously blessed because of the decision I made that night twenty-five years ago.

HAPPY SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY!

I'm Anyone

"Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Guess what?! I'm anyone...

At the beginning of the year I posed the question will this be the one? I found myself at a standstill in my relationship with God. I prayed that this new year would ultimately bring me to a new level in my relationship with Christ.

Unfortunately, the last several weeks have been one blow after another. I feel like I'm under attack, and I'm exhausted! It has come from all different directions... emotionally, mentally, financially, socially, physically... and it repeats itself a few times. 

Despite my struggle to not let anyone know details of my life and my extreme fear of being vulnerable, here I am writing and sharing my sadness and discouragement with my readers... but more importantly declaring the devil will not win!


What am I doing???

Distress causes me a lot of problems with eating and sleeping. Whether it's from God or Satan, when I'm awakened at 4 a.m. I instantly start praying. I pray that God takes the pain from me, but if He doesn't that it's used to make me more like Him. I pray for whoever is on my mind when I immediately awake hoping that they allow God to meet their need. If my mind still refuses rest, I get up and spend the next few hours reading and writing and praying. I can testify that it has helped me to be extra prepared for the battles of the day.

"God don't let my pain be wasted. Use it to conform me to your image."

Ironically (okay not ironically but by grand design), I have been doing a Bible study by Linda Dillow called "Calm My Anxious Heart." Let go of my worry and fear... how?! Find contentment in my circumstances... are you serious?!

It's a daily struggle, especially with Satan's persistence, to practice what I am learning. I have typed important scriptures and reminders in my phone from these lessons. Every time I become overwhelmed with circumstances, I read the notes and remind myself to be content in any situation, to focus on the positives, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

In my latest blog 'one breath at a time', I talked about trying to just get through the day. I may start the day ready to conquer Satan's darts but halfway through I begin to falter. The only thing I can do during this time of battle is to take one step at a time... "Lord am I in Your will now?"

Another coincidence (not) is that the UCB Word for Today has been publishing a series this week on winning your personal war with Satan using the following outline:
     - Be self-controlled and alert. 1 Peter 5:8
     - Submit yourselves to God. James 4:7
     - Resist the devil... he will flee from you. James 4:7
     - Come near to God and He will come near to you. James 4:8
     - Wash your hands, you sinners. James 4:8


My number one defense against Satan is to immerse myself in my Lord. While I'm afriad of what might happen next, I fight for the hope. The hope is found in the thoughts the Lord has toward me for peace, not evil (Jeremiah 29:11).

I have a scripture on my wall as I walk out the front door that says, "Be not afraid not dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's" 2 Chronicles 20:15. It is my reminder that today's battle is not mine to fight and control. Because He is Lord of my life, He will fight the battle. Today's battle is just a small one in the war between God and Satan... And I know who wins the war!

"But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy."

 

One Breath at a Time

The theme of the day... one breath at a time.

A very close friend of mine returned to work this week after her dream of becoming a mother finally came true. She is heartbroken at the thought of leaving her baby girl with a babysitter, and trying to come to terms that, at least for now, it is not God's plan for her be a stay at home mom. Because I'm not a mother, I can only imagine the pain she must be feeling.

I noticed someone make a comment to her "Take it one day at a time, some days are as little as one breath at a time." And I began thinking...

How many times have I heard someone say 'I just want to know God's plan for my life.' We all want a divine revelation about what the future holds so that we know the exact step we should take next in order to get there. And following this expression of frustration, I've often given the advice to be in God's will today. If you are in His will today; you will move on into His will tomorrow; and before you know it you will be smack in the middle of God's plan for your life.

I believe this is exactly what my new momma friend sought to accomplish. She and her husband sought the Lord's will to become parents for years. Unable to conceive a child they began praying and searching for His divine plan. There's no doubt it was a daily search. And that daily seeking of Him brought them straight into His plan... adopting Baby BB.

However, this concept of one breath at a time, struck a chord. I am beyond overwhelmed with my job this week. My brain is running at warp speed. (I think my superpower is having the brain activity of two or three people!)

In the UCB's Word for Today, the author talks about praying for God's will every two or three minutes. This brings reality to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17). The prayers that can be whispered to God any where, any time, are the ones that get us through the tough days. And they not only keep us in His will from day to day, but from moment to moment.

I remember a time in my life that my conversations with God were constant; and I want to return there. While I'm attempting to hurry through the line at the grocery store, I can thank Him for the ability to buy those comfort foods! As I'm sitting in a difficult meeting, I can ask God to let my words speak grace and mercy to both those easy and those difficult in the room.

As life overwhelms me, I am challenged with this new concept to not only be in His will today, but to be in His will this moment. "Some days are as little as one breath at a time..."