The Story of Charlie and Ava

Over this last weekend a friend and I took a trip to a local theme park for the day.  There was the possibility for rain, but in the midst of one of the worst droughts on record we decided to take our chances.  It was shortly after lunch when we arrived.  We loaded the tram for a ride to the front gate, and as if the heavens were waiting for a que, the torrential downpour began.  We got through the gate as fast as we could but not without being drenched.  It was so bad I had water in my eyes and my supposedly "waterproof" mascara was running down my face. 

The closest place to take up shelter just happened to be in a bakery.  It was divine intervention that led us there where we shared a giant homemade cinnamon roll!  We were not the only ones that chose the bakery for shelter.  Tables and chairs were scarce.  After asking an elderly lady, Ava, if she minded to share her table, we made some new friends.  Ava told us that she was with her husband and they had been on vacation for a month from their home in Phoenix, Arizona.  She talked about how they don't have rain there so the rain and the hills were something they were trying to get used to.  She even offered to share some of her food with us! 

After several minutes her husband, Charlie, came riding up in a motorized wheelchair wearing his recently purchased poncho.  Charlie was the talkative one and he was very eager to share his story.  Charlie asked us if we were in college because my friend was wearing a Mizzou t-shirt.  Now that was humorous considering we're not even close to college age anymore, but I guess to elderly people young people are just.... young!  That led to a discussion about our favorite collegiate football and basketball teams.  Charlie announced that he had attended Ohio State; therefore, he's a lifelong fan. 

I think Ava was talking to my friend, but Charlie sure got a hold of my ear.  He was dying to tell me about the circumstances surrounding how he met his beautiful wife Ava.  Charlie was married to his first wife for 44 years.  I do not know what happened to her, but I was led to believe she passed away.  Charlie knew God had to have someone for him, but no one had emerged just yet.  One night he knelt down at his bed to pray.  "There's no bargaining with God because He's always in control."  But he asked God to either send him someone or he was going to go buy a dog the next day.  That very night Ava emailed him.  They talked on the phone for 3 hours, and then.... they went to church together :)  They both admitted that their faith was the most important thing in their lives, and they needed someone that would share it.  Charlie was hooked!  They were married 6 months later, and they have now been together 6 years. 

Charlie also shared with me the accomplishments of his children and their wonderful marriages.  When his daughters were getting married, he told both his future son-in-laws that there were only two events that people attended in this family.  Weddings.  And funerals.  He informed them that people in his family did not get divorced and so they better make it work.  Ha ha.  I guess that's one way to get the point across. 

If Ava hadn't been ready to move, I think Charlie was prepared to start looking to find both my friend and I single Christian men.  Ava took off up the hill while Charlie tried to carefully maneuver his wheelchair and not run over anybody.  They were quite the comical pair. 

I don't believe in coincidence; I know God puts people in our paths for a reason.  The reasons are not always obvious, but maybe this time I just needed a good story that would make me smile :D  Charlie was quirky!  I admit there were times I had no idea what he was saying.  However, in that short conversation he shared with me his passion for the relationships in his life.  His children were important; his wife was important; above all, his relationship with God was important.  Not knowing whether or not I was a Christian, he began sharing with me how God worked in his life.  Once he found out I was a Christian, he was excited about the special connection we shared.  And even an elderly couple at a theme park gave us two single girls hope in finding someone to share life with because we're still..... young!

Fab Five Friday

Let me see if I can bring something together for this week....

1.  I screwed up at work Monday morning (no that's not the highlight).  It ruined my day and was a bad way to start the week.  However, out of a bad situation great people emerge.  My workers were so supportive and understanding; I felt blessed to have some great staff!  By Tuesday I felt so much better and God placed a song in my morning that was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.  He's pretty amazing like that. 

2.  I managed to get at least part of my house cleaned.  If you know me at all, you know this is a huge accomplishment! 

3.  I am attempting to make going to the gym more of a priority.  This week I decided to challenge myself a little more; with the encouragement of a great instructor, I increased some of my weights.  Woohoo!  This is a big deal because even though I've done this class for years, I have not been consistent enough to increase my weight... until now.  

4.  My cousin was able to fit me in to do my hair at the last minute Friday afternoon!  It was in desperate need of repair and there's something that just makes a girl feel better after a nice cut and color :)  It is darker, and red, just because it's that time of year!

5.  And the biggest blessing of all this week... My parents celebrated their 31st wedding anniversary!  This has to be recognized as a huge accomplishment.  They have not only taught me what sacrificial love means, they have demonstrated it my whole life with their dedication and commitment to each other.  I am very proud of them :D 

Well that wasn't as hard to put together as I thought it would be ;)
Here is the song that was my theme for the week.  I hope it blesses you too!

Lessons from Anne Shirley

Back in the day I used to be obsessed with reading.  My mother would take me to the library where I would check out as many books as I could carry only to have her take me back in a week or two because I had read them all already.  My favorites included Little House on the Prairie, anything written by Lurlene McDaniel, the Goosebumps Series, and Nancy Drew.  Oh how I wanted to be just like Nancy Drew!  Flipping through the TV guide on Sunday night I found a blast from my reading past that was made into a movie...  Anne of Green Gables.  There are so many sweet memories that rush to the forefront of my mind with this movie.  I remember that my mom shared this reading experience with me.  And I remember that she, my sister, and I loved this movie. 

As I was reminiscing on a part of my childhood innocence, I realized that Anne Shirley had some very important life lessons for all of us including:

          "True friends are always together in spirit."
          Wealth doesn't bring happiness.
          It is better to have one beau in his right mind than many in their wrong mind ;)
          Life goes on whether you succeed or fail.
          Forgive people when you have the chance.
          The truth will set you free.  (Remember the dead mouse in the pudding?!)
          Being smart is better than being good looking.
          Wealth is not measured by diamonds but by happiness and love.
          "Life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it."
          Ambitions make life interesting.
          What you bring to the world is what really counts.
          It's better to try and fail than to not try at all.
          "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

It is so much fun to look back at the TV shows, books, and movies I enjoyed as a kid and realize there were life lessons to be learned.  Of course I didn't know it back then.  I do remember one particular song on Kids Inc. that struck a cord with me when I was little.  The only lines I could tell you now from the song (playing in a sing song voice in my head) is "You can't judge a book by it's cover. There's so much more to discover." 

After watching Miss Anne Shirley and all her shenanigans, the thought that tomorrow is a new day kept repeating itself in my mind.  Tomorrow doesn't have any mistakes... yet.  How refreshing is it to know that despite the many errors I have made today, I get a second chance tomorrow.  Of course I am human and I will make mistakes tomorrow, but today's mistakes are behind me. 

Throughout the Bible God gives second chances.  The Lord told Jonah to go to Nineveh; Jonah fled.  He jumped into a ship going the opposite direction hoping to get away from God.  The Lord sent storms that threatened to break the ship, which would have likely killed everyone.  In order to escape the wrath of God Jonah was thrown overboard.  He was then swallowed by a whale.  Jonah could have drowned after being thrown into the sea; there are many ways he could have died.  But God let him live.  After his repentance he was given a second chance to do God's will.  "Jonah got up and went to Nineveh according to the Lord's command." (Jonah 3:3)  The outcome of Jonah's second chance was that "the men of Nineveh believed in God." (Jonah 3:5)

In John 8, the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman to Jesus that had been caught committing adultery.  Knowing that the law stated that she should be stoned to death, they asked Jesus what He thought should be done.  Jesus answered that if anyone was without sin among them then they could cast the first stone.  The crowd departed as everyone had their own sin.  "He said to her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?'  'No one, Lord,' she answered. 'Neither do I condemn you,' said Jesus. 'Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.'" (John 8:10-11)

And let's not forget David, a man after God's own heart.  David's family didn't think much of him as his brothers went off to war and he stayed home to tend the sheep.  Ultimately, he became the hero when Goliath, hit by a stone from David' sling shot, fell to the ground.  He was a warrior with many victories that threw Saul into a jealous rage.  David went into hiding in order to stay alive.  Then there are the sins that David is unfortunately so famous for... adultery and murder.  Now there is some great evidence that God gives second chances.  David did have to suffer the consequences of his sin, but in the end he was able to find peace and hope in his relationship with God. 

Jonah, a woman caught in adultery, and David all got second chances.  There are many many more stories where the Lord showed grace and mercy after people messed up.  I mess up every day; and I'm an expert at beating myself up for it.  At the end of the day, if I have any regrets, there's comfort in knowing that tomorrow I can start over. 

So, thank you Miss Anne Shirley for the reminder!  In the words of David:

Then I acknowledge my sin to You and did not conceal my iniquity. 

I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"

and You took away the guilt of my sin...

You are my hiding place;

You protect me from trouble.

You surround me with joyful shouts of deliverance.

Psalm 32:5,7

Fab Five Friday

I have been inspired when reading other blogs to challenge myself a little bit.  On Fridays I will try to come up with five blessings or high points of my week that deserve a little spotlighting.  I may not make it every Friday, but it will be fun even if it's just once in a while.  Since I'm new to the blogging world, please bear with me as I try to find ways to make this a little more interesting and fun for those willing to read it.  More than anything I hope this little adventure will help me focus on some positives in my week even when it is difficult. 

So here goes...

1.  I have managed to stick close to my recommended calorie intake this week.  My eating habits are quite the roller coaster.  One day I will do great, and the next I will completely blow it.  This week I feel good and I feel strong.  I've also been consistent with my working out for three weeks straight!  Go me!!!

2.  I finally managed to get my office decorated at my new job.  I've been staring at white walls for almost 6 weeks!  Now if I could get a few plants in there it would feel even more like home. 

3.  It rained!  I was sitting in my office and could see the storm coming in.  There was lightening, wind, and a downpour of rain.  I could have sworn the grass in front of the building across the street even looked instantly greener.  When the storm had passed it was cool enough to open the window and let some fresh air in. 

4.  I bought a new dress at Target.  It is bright pink with a tan belt.  It looks excellent with some tan heels!  Now I desperately need somewhere to wear it.  Who's having a party soon that they need a date for?! 

5.  And finally, Thursday night some of my line dancing friends got together to create some shirts in honor of a slightly more difficult line dance we've been learning.  I'm afraid I wasn't much help in the creative process, but I had fun as an assistant!

Poor Claire's fingers were cramped from spray painting all the shirts, but she was brilliant at it :)

This particular dance has a lot of "and" counts, which is the reason for all the "&" signs. This was the finished product!

And it was a surprise to our instructor. No worries; we made sure she got a shirt too!

I love this picture of all of us!!!

Not too bad for my first week of Fab Five Friday!

If You Knew Me...

If you were close to me you would know....


My favorite color is purple.  Sometimes I go through "green" phases, but it always comes back to purple.  My school colors in college were white and purple.  That's not why I chose to go there, but it was definitely a big plus.

I get excited about college basketball.  My favorite team is the North Carolina Tarheels.  My relationship with them has grown over time.  Typically I like teams if I like their coach and they're consistent.  Other teams I enjoy watching due to good coaching and consistency are: Kentucky, Michigan St., Louisville, and Duke (as long as they aren't playing UNC!)  An item on my bucket list is to someday attend a game between UNC and Duke.

I am a Momma's girl.  It does not matter how old I am, I hate to disappoint my mom.  I become upset if anyone upsets her.  She is and always will be my best friend.  She has been the only one on this earth that understands my thoughts, emotions, and actions.  She is also a spiritual role model for me. 

I am a true animal lover.  My workers make fun of me when we go into a home because if there are any cats around that's where my attention will go.  In a family full of dog lovers, I am the only cat person.  Unfortunately I cannot afford to take in any more so when those commercials on animal abuse come on or someone posts something on Facebook, I turn away.... quickly. 

I love shoes!  I do believe that the right pair of shoes can make an outfit.  And even though I have shoes overflowing out of my closet and not enough space to store them, I still don't always have the right pair of shoes.  My absolute favorite are boots.  They are too hot to wear in summer so I get really excited for fall when I can start wearing them again.


I am obsessed with food!  The older I get the more this has become a problem.  Word has spread to those that work for me to never allow me to go more than a few hours without eating.  Apparently I become kind of grumpy. 

Sweets are a huge vice, especially chocolate and sweet tea; both are things that I've had to cut down on in order to maintain a healthy weight.

In the last year I picked up a new hobby, line dancing, and I'm obsessed with it.  I've met a lot of cool people and some of my line dancing buddies have become great friends.  I'm always afraid that I look like an uncoordinated elephant trying too hard to blend in with the zebras, but I don't plan to stop any time soon.   

I am a workaholic.  There are many reasons and excuses for this.  There have been times in my life that I have used work to avoid dealing with personal issues including depression and loneliness.  Another reason is that a strong work ethic is very important to me.  One thing I want to be known for is how much I put into my service for others.  I never want anyone to call me lazy.


No matter how old I get I will always love to color.


Social work is not just a profession for me; it is a way of life.  I believe in worth and dignity of every person and the inherit right of everyone to be treated with respect.  Everyone experiences trials and trauma sometime in life.  Everyone has a story that has formed them into the person they are today.  I try to never judge somebody until I know more about their story.  If I can be of any help, I pray that God gives me the opportunity. 

I am extremely passionate.  It amuses me when someone says I'm non-emotional because I am one of the most emotional people you will ever meet.

I am afraid of the dark.  I hate not knowing what's around me and shadows will throw my wild imagination into stories about serial killers or demons.  I always have lights on in my house.


I am an extrovert.  I recharge by being around my friends and family.  I need to spend a lot of quality time with people, which means I have a lot of friends.  However, I still trust very few people with my emotions and insecurities.  There are only a handful of people I consider best friends. 

I am a worrier.  My mother understood my propensity to overanalyze and dwell on things at a very young age.  Therefore, she assigned Proverbs 3:5-6 to me as my life verses.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge him, and He will direct your path."  I have a very wise mother.


Sometimes I get strong urges to bake!  And the batter is more fun to eat than the finished treat. 


I enjoy lifting weights and despise running.  I know I need the cardio as well, but running has always been a problem for me due to a mild hip displacia I had growing up.  Weight lifting helps me to strengthen the muscles and bones around my hips and back so they don't give me as much problems.


I cherish the joy and innocence that children bring to life.  Teenagers were my focus for the longest time and babies made me nervous.  As I've gotten older that has faded.  I'm still passionate about teenagers, but let me hold that baby!  My favorite age group has always been about 9-14.  They have no filter at that age.  Adults are still cool enough to talk to and they aren't above playing.


I do not like nuts of any kind.  Peanuts, walnuts, almonds...  As an adult I have come to tolerate them sometimes in my food, but as a child I was convinced that there were bones in my brownies, cookies, or candy.  Yuck!


Above all I am a child of God.  I know and understand that my purpose on earth is to serve God and bring glory to Him.  I am not an eloquent speaker.  I do not have my Bible memorized.  I struggle with my prayer life.  I am imperfect, but God is attracted to me because of my brokenness.  He loves me despite my faults.  And even though I don't meet the world's definition of what is beautiful, I will always be beautiful to Him. 

Brain Dead

I've had three weeks full of drama and crisis at work.  My brain is ready for a break.  By the time Friday arrived, I had turned into a zombie.  When I was with my friends I may have been present physically but I was not present mentally.  I could not attend to a conversation.  I could not make simple decisions about what I wanted to eat or drink.  And early this morning my mind decided to play some tricks on me. 

At 4 a.m. something suddenly woke me from a deep sleep.  As if it wasn't bad enough that I was dreaming about work, my thoughts became slightly irrational at this awful hour.  It had actually been storming, complete with thunder, lightening, and RAIN!  I got up to investigate what could have possibly woke me up.  I went to the front door and looked through the peep hole.  There was someone standing there!  Who would be standing at my door at 4 a.m.?!  And you better believe I'm NOT opening the door.  I went back to my room to get my phone (just in case).  I started sneaking around to a window where I could look out and they wouldn't see me.  I was careful not to turn on any lights so that they wouldn't know I was awake and aware they were there!  I looked out the window.... nothing!  Where did they go?!  Maybe the figure I saw through the peep hole was a ghost!  I went back to the peep hole and.... there it was....  Let's try a different window!  Nothing.  Then I realized: the street light, the rain, the reflection.  What I was seeing as a possible head and face was the reflection of a wet pavement under the street light.  Nothing to worry about, right?

So I went back to bed.  Still slightly anxious I began wondering again what had woke me up.  Could there be someone in my house?  When I first moved out of my parents house and into my first apartment I was always paranoid.  Every night I performed a routine of checking every room, every door, and every window, to make sure I was alone and I was safe.  There were times that I would get up at night just to check again.  Now that I've lived alone for several years I've become accustomed to it, but nights like this.... I got up, again trying not to turn on lights, and checked every room to make sure it was empty.  And they were empty.  So the mystery of why I was suddenly awake was not solved. 

Eventually I did go back to sleep but my brain was not done playing tricks on me.  I got up this morning, just like every Sunday morning, and began getting ready for church.  The church service I attend is at 11 a.m. and I had an hour to get ready.  I was eating some breakfast, catching up on some Olympics, and checking facebook, when I realized the clock on my computer said 11:03?!  What?!  How on earth did I just loose a complete hour?  Obviously the clock in my head was not in sync with the actual time.  Even though I had looked at the clock multiple times before that, it did not register. 

Maybe it's due to one of the worst droughts on record.   Maybe it's the persistent heat.   But something is impacting the sanity of people, and it's starting to take it's toll on me.  I am not functioning at full capacity!  This might be a frightening day for me to step foot outside the house.  But I will try to push through it and hope that this work week is just slightly more calm.

Hope Conquers Fear

I tend to get quiet when I'm processing a lot or having a difficult time, and I realized I haven't posted in a month. The last couple months have been difficult for me and as of right now I'm not sure where the end of the transition or adjustment will be. But there are a few words that keep jumping out at me during all of it... FEAR and HOPE. What does it mean?

Fear is the root of so many emotions. Anger can be rooted in the fear of being hurt or the fear of change. Jealousy is rooted in the fear of losing something. Depression is many times rooted in the fear of the unknown. It is so much easier to stay where it's comfortable, even in negative circumstances, because the unknown is terrifying! It cripples our ability to move forward and to take chances. It makes us a prisoner in our own lives.

But there's hope! There's hope that the circumstances surrounding me today are going to lead me into something better. Something grandeur. Possibly even something unimaginable for my human mind.

This verse has been ringing in my mind, "Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12. While I wade through life's growing pains, relying on God's strength to carry me, I should REJOICE. I will rejoice in all the promises God has made me. I rejoice in the hope that there's a purpose for affliction. I rejoice that I'm HIS child and that I'm protected by the Spirit.

If I live in God's will today, tomorrow will take care of itself. The hope that I rejoice in is that the Lord's will is going to bring me more happiness than I could ever experience if I were the one in control of my life. Allow hope to conquer fear so that tomorrow is overwhelmed with JOY.

Not My Will, But His

A few weeks ago I posted about the bad news I received that I was going to lose my job in July due to the contract ending and the new contract being given to another agency. This was very hard news for me. But it isn't the first time that a job has been taken away from me, working against the plans I had for myself.

I truly love where I work. There is such an atmosphere of support and respect. I've only been there a year, and I had hoped to stay there and continue learning from others that had been there 10, 20, even 30 years. The news has been very hard on the mental and emotional health of everyone. We ALL need a vacation!

The good news is that I did get a job that will start July 2nd! I will be doing the same job I am doing now for the agency that received the new contract. It probably won't be that different as far as doing my job every day. The unknown factors are what the environment will be like with the new agency.

So who knows if the change will be positive or negative just yet, but the age old question is "Why?!" Have you ever heard someone say that you repeat the same tests and trials because you possibly didn't learn the first time? Well.... what is my lesson here? I enjoy what I'm doing. I see the path my career is taking. I'm excited to see where the path leads. And then it's changed against my will. It seems that I sometimes get in my own way. I make plans for my future based on what I see happening, but God has a way of changing those plans. The key lesson here is that I need to let go, God is in control. Not my will but His.

One thing I believe strongly in is that your strengths can become your greatest weaknesses. My strengths are that I'm strong-willed, loyal, hard working, and independent. They sometimes work against me. My strong will turns into stubbornness. I need to be in control at all times and if anyone tries to tell me what to do I will dig in the heels even deeper. My loyalty has caused me to stay in situations long after I should have ended it or walked away. Many of my friends and family can testify to the fact that my hard work has turned me into a workaholic in the past. I will work myself into a nervous breakdown if I don't keep it in check. And my independence.... oh Lord help me! I need to do a better job of practicing what I tell people every day. At times, I need to allow others to help me. Honestly, my anxiety just shot through the roof even thinking about allowing others to get close enough to me that I would allow them to HELP me.

God knows me better than anyone. And perhaps He knows that the only way to get me moving in His direction is to force the circumstances. I find great comfort in being a child of God and knowing that He is always taking care of me. Even when the obstacle in the way is me, He will remove it.

Online Dating, Oh My!

About two weeks ago I randomly decided to join an online dating site.  I've been on different sites before but I've always refused to pay the outrageous amounts of money in order to fully use them.  My experiences on past sites has been less than productive anyway.  Somehow I attract men that are... let's just say "more mature."  There was one man that even looked like Santa Claus!  I know I'm an old soul, but seriously?!

I don't know what came over me but I decided to join a site I haven't tried before.  I found out that it didn't cost money to talk with people and I was immediately overwhelmed with messages.  If you know me, you also know I'm one of the least impulsive people you will ever meet.  However, within 24 hours of joining the site I actually went to meet one of the men that I was talking to.  It went fine and I was proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone. 

One thing I've learned so far is that women are not holding men to a standard of how to treat a lady.  A lady by definition is "a well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior."  I've heard stories about the things women do and/or say to men on online dating sites.  It makes me ashamed to be a woman, and it makes me sad that women don't value themselves more.  Now obviously not every woman is a lady, but I think society needs more women who strive to be ladies. 

On the opposite side.... where are the gentlemen???  I wonder if "well-mannered and considerate MEN with high standards of proper behavior" even exist.  I am learning that the definition of a gentleman is open to interpretation.  I know it is old fashioned but I believe that a gentleman is courteous, gentle, treats others with respect, and does not take advantage of others.  It appears to me that men aren't looking for ladies because of the effort they have to put forth. 

While the terms lady and gentleman may be relative to the person speaking about them, I don't believe that the term Christian should be.  A lot of people say they are a Christian.  Unfortunately, it has turned into another pick-up line.  A Christian, someone who professes to follow Jesus Christ, should be following the teachings of Christ and it should be evident in the way he/she lives.  Just like it saddens me as a woman that other women don't posses enough self-worth to hold men to higher standards, it bereaves me as a Christian that there is not a significant difference in the way someone who professes to be a Christian acts and the way a non-Christian acts.  I haven't been able to tell a difference, and if I can't....

I believe a Christian woman should be a lady, and a Christian man should be a gentleman.  I know it's the Social Worker in me, but now I want to explore the thought processes people have on these dating sites.  How will they react to someone who is a lady and demands the treatment of a gentleman?  Are there men that understand, respect, and share the convictions of a Christian woman?  Can men handle a woman who has a high standard for proper behavior?  I am having fun meeting new people, and if I happen to come across a Christian gentleman I will snatch him up as fast as I can :D

Vulnerability

Do you experience internal battles that make you want to lose your mind? I hate it. The most difficult battle is knowing when to express what you believe to be right and when to wait because it's not quite time. I should not feel embarrassment and shame for my personal convictions. Then why do I? Because I know the world's standards are different. I can't figure out when and where it's appropriate to be forthcoming with information about myself. When am I going to be judged harshly for my standards or when will I meet respect? I'm not trying to push my beliefs on to someone else, but my point of view is just as important.

It's so difficult in these moments to know which path to take. And before you know it the moment is gone.

Grandparents for Lease

Are there any children out there that could use some cool grandparents?  I know two people that desperately want to have grandchildren and neither of their children are anywhere close to making that dream come true for them.   Yes, I am pimping out my parents to anyone in need of grandparents for their children!

Both my parents have had grandparent fever pretty bad lately.  Perhaps the 30th birthday of their oldest daughter was a launching point for this latest craze :)  And having children around has definitely not helped the situation.  For instance, on Easter I had the company of my former 7-year-old neighbor.  My sister went and got her an Easter basket.  The little girl was dying to hunt Easter eggs so it became a family event.  I was literaly rolling in the grass laughing at my dad as he hid Easter eggs and then teased the little girl about where they were possibly located.  That same night I was at our church's Easter chior concert with my mother.  Two little girls from a family in her Sunday School class were sitting with us.  My mom absolutely adores these kids, and they adore her.  More than once, I have had someone from my parents' Bible Fellowship class tell me that they talk about wishing they had grandkids.  And if you happen to walk in the room with a baby you better be ready for my dad; he will get a hold of it!   My sister's dog is currently treated as the grandbaby; she gets absolutely anything she wants. 

So somebody help!!!!!  My mom will tell you that she doesn't want my sister or I to have children before it's time and we are ready.  However, I think they are going crazy with the wait!  I've been trying to talk some of my married friends into having babies, but that isn't working!  If we could somehow give them somewhere to focus this energy, I wouldn't feel so bad for my poor grandchildless parents.  I will start taking applications tomorrow :)

Bad News

I received some news last week that completely threw me for a loop.  I don't have a job come July 1st!  The contract for a service that my agency provides was up for rebid and another agency was awarded the new contract.  In the past I've had positions eliminated, but in my previous agency it just meant I got moved to another department.  Now it means I need to find a new job :'(

I'm having a hard time coping.  First of all it was unexpected and I don't handle surprises well.  Second, I handle change even worse.  I'm confused about God's plan because I really felt like I was in a good place.  I could see exactly where my career was headed.  My job seemed absolutely perfect for my experience and education.  I was getting more involved with other community agencies.  I was looking forward to learning more from my supervisor who has TONS of wisdom.  As hard as it has been at times, being a supervisor was really challenging me to be better at what I do.  And more importantly, the agency I work for treats their employees with a great deal of respect and genuine caring so I planned to stay for a long time. 

I have spent the majority of my time sad and depressed.  Anger comes and goes.  Occasionally I wonder if it's all a ridiculous prank.  I have been completely stressing myself out about where I will be financially in the next few months.  In an effort to help, people keep making suggestions and telling me it will be okay.  I have spent eight years in this particular field and I love working with families.  So I don't want to do something new.  I know 'it will work out' but I just don't want to hear that right now. 

Despite all of this anger and frustration, I am starting to deal with the reality of it a little more today.  I'm trying to listen to the suggestions with a little more of an open mind even though, at this point, I would rather stay angry.  Some of the other employees have already begun looking and putting in applications for other jobs, which makes me appear a little lazy! 

I'm just praying that God places my next step plainly in front of me so that I don't miss it.

A Moment with God

God and I had a moment on my way to work this morning.  I was singing along with my favorite group Mercy Me to one of my favorite songs "Beautiful."  As the song was playing, I was thinking about many people I know that needed the message.  We all do this at times when we hear a sermon or a lesson... It's a lesson "someone else" needs.

In the bridge, as I'm singing at the top of my lungs, the "moment" began:

Before you ever took a breath

Long before the world began

Of all the wonders He possessed

There was one more precious

Of all the earth and skies above

You're the one He madly loves

Enough to die

God was not sending this message for "someone else"; He was sending this message for me!  I began to wonder what if every "you" was replaced with "I"?  Before I ever took a breath.  I'm the one He madly loves.  Fortunately I was listening to my CD so I started the song over and attempted to listen to the message God had for me in that moment. 

The days will come when I don't have the strength

When all I hear is I'm not worth anything

Wondering if I ever could be loved

And if they truly saw my heart they'd see too much

I'm beautiful

I had a praise Jesus moment right then.  In my mission to assist people with their own self-worth, I need to take the time to pay attention to my own.  I am made for so much more than all of this.  I am treasured.  I am sacred.  I am His. 

What is Beautiful?

With my patience on a very short fuse last week, I turned to Pandora.  There were two songs back to back with the message that "you're beautiful."  It was what I needed to hear at the time; I think we all need to be reminded sometimes that "you are sacred, you are treasured, you are His." 

There seems to be an ongoing discussion around me, whether in the media, with friends, or in my own head, about what is beautiful.  I know there are men out there that struggle with self-worth; I've had some of these same discussions with men.  But since I am a woman, I can speak with more authority on the struggles the woman's mind faces.  As women we constantly compare the way we look to every other woman in the room in order to prove that we don't quite measure up.  'I wish my hair was thick and curly like hers.'  'I wish I could wear my hair short like that.'  'I should be as skinny as her.'  'I want my butt to look like that in those jeans.'  'I could never pull that dress off.'  'I should have worn more makeup.'  'I should have worn less makeup.'  'If I were taller I'd be more beautiful.'  'If I were shorter I'd be more beautiful.'  'Her smile is prettier than mine.'  'I wish my eyes were that color blue.'  I'm sure I could go on forever.  This negative self-talk is completely irrational. 

In Jennifer Rothschild's Self-Talk, Soul-Talk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, she points out the emotional abuse that you are inflicting upon yourself when talking this way.  If a friend reported to you that her husband or boyfriend was saying these type of statements to her, what would your reaction be?  Would you be appalled?  Would you be angry?  Would you reinforce that she's beautiful and she cannot allow him to treat her this way?  Then why is it okay for a woman to talk to herself in such a derogatory manner? 

Another point that I believe deserves some consideration is the message being indirectly sent when we determine that we are not good enough.  You are created by God.  The same God that made the mountains, the stars, the flowers, the rain, the birds, the sun, the oceans, and your favorite furry animal, MADE YOU!  He made worlds of beautiful things that we all admire every day, you are not an exception.  If God says you are precious enough to Him for His Son to sacrifice His life for you, then who are you to say that you're not beautiful?  I realize this is heavy, but it is worth contemplating.  When I put myself down and declare that I'm unworthy, I'm not good enough, and I'm not beautiful, I am insulting the One that created me! 

Since I have had the conversation of "beautiful" with so many women lately, I ask this... What is beauty?  Can you define it?  And who determines what is beautiful? 

The two songs I mentioned before were Mercy Me's "Beautiful" and Jonny Diaz's "More Beautiful".  I have seen Mercy Me perform "Beautiful" and I love the message.  Bart Millard talks about trying to raise his daughter so that she doesn't determine her self-worth by the world's standards but by God's standards.  He also talks about this feeling of unworthiness and "wondering if you ever could be loved."  No matter what you've been through in life "You're beautiful!"  Follow that with these lyrics from Jonny Diaz and WOW!!!  There can never be a more beautiful YOU! 

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

True Love is Sacrificial

I have several blog topics in the works that have been on my mind.  I will eventually finish and post them. But due to the holiday this weekend there's a very important topic on my mind.... LOVE!  It is Easter, which is a time we stop to remember the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  God loves us so much that he was willing to give up His Son.  Jesus Christ loved His Father, you, and me so much that He endured torture, pain, heartbreak, and death.  The ultimate demonstration of love is sacrifice, and the ultimate sacrifice is life.  It is beyond my understanding the kind of love my God has for me.  It is overwhelming to know that the emotions He went through is outside of my ability to comprehend. 

God's picture of love says to me:

Love is a verb.   Jesus Christ did not die because of what I could do for Him.  He conquered death so that I could spend eternity with Him.  The motivation behind the sacrifice was to give me life.  It was for me!  When I love it is not about what I get from the other person; it's about what I can do for them.  True love is about giving.  1 John 3:18 says, "My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and truth."  If you grew up in the 90's you may remember these lyrics from DC Talk:

Back in the day there was a man
Who stepped out of Heaven and he walked the land
He delivered to the people an eternal choice
With a heart full of luv and the truth in His voice
Gave up His life so that we may live
How much more luv could the Son of God give?
Here is the example that we oughtta be matchin'
Cause luv is a word that requires some action

Love is a commitment.  When people talk about love changing, they are referring to a feeling.  Feelings do change; feelings can be dependent on the circumstances; feelings are conditional.  Love, however, is unconditional.  Can you imagine God saying 'sorry I just don't feel like I love you today'?  If His love was conditionally based on my behavior, I would always fail.  I would never be good enough; and grace and mercy would not exist.  God committed to an eternity of loving me when He sacrificed His Son, because without the commitment the sacrifice is meaningless. 


Love is sacrificial.  There is no greater sacrifice someone can give than the life of their child.  God tested Abraham's love and committment when He requested Abraham offer Isaac as a sacrifice.  Hannah demonstrated her love for the Lord when she sacrificially gave Samuel to serve in the Lord's house.  And can you even imagine the emotional sacrifice of Mary as she watched her son, Jesus, hang on a cross and die for the world?!  God's Word consistently demonstrates that love is sacrificial. 


Can you imagine a world where people loved each other as God intended?  When a person made a choice, a commitment, to love another, the love was demonstrated in his/her actions and the commitment never waivered according to how he/she felt.  I would be out of a job if more parents demonstrated true love to their children! 

1 Corinthians 13:13 Now abide, faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is Love.

A few months ago I found this funny video about the diffrence between like and love and the meaning of love.  Enjoy and Happy Easter!