Overcoming Heaviness

"Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God's throne."
Hebrews 12:1-2

For the last three months, burdens have weighed me down. My nature is to help people and solve problems; and my natural personality is to worry and become anxious. The heaviness causes me to lose focus on the positives surrounding me and I begin to feel out of control. So the first thought that jumps at me from this scripture is to "lay aside every weight" ... To give up control... To know that Jesus Christ bears my burdens... I need to be reminded of this regularly; it is an ongoing struggle in my life.

As the heaviness of burdens overwhelm me, the word JOY leaps out. Jesus Christ endured the ultimate suffering on the cross, and He did it with joy. I've been looking at prayer a lot recently, and I've studied the prayer of Jesus at Gethsemane just before Judas betrayed Him. Overcome with sorrow and the heaviness of the burden He was carrying, Jesus asked God to take it away. This is so familiar to me! But Jesus knew he had to endure the pain to fulfill God's plan so He ends the prayer with "Yet not as I will, but as You will." How difficult that must have been for Him to say. How difficult that is for me to say in my own prayer life when I'm begging God to change my circumstances! I've been challenged recently to use this phrase in my prayer life to turn my attitude toward God's will, away from my own will, and to find joy in heartache.

Recently I have been encouraged by fellow believers. These are people that don't know me, but I see love in their actions. Even though I haven't shared what's on my heart, they have asked how I'm doing and wait to actually hear an answer. They've prayed for me and with me. And I've been pushed out of my comfort zone more than once in recent months. I thank God for them. I watch in amazement as God performs miracles in each of their lives and I desire to be a part of it. It is such an encouragement to be surrounded by "a large cloud of witnesses"; it's something I've been missing for a very long time.

After laying aside the weights, focusing on the joy of fulfilling God's will for my life, and leaning on the cloud of witnesses surrounding me, I will be able to "run with endurance the race."

I'm definitely not perfect, but I strive towards the perfection of Christ every day. These verses tell me how to overcome the heaviness of the burdens that sometimes paralyze me. Hopefully, I can use even the difficult circumstances to bring glory to God.

Spiritual Birthday

The other day it dawned on me that I had a mile marker of a spiritual birthday this year! I don't know why it came to mind. Perhaps it was the Easter holiday. Maybe I was thinking about the end of my birthday month or that it was my sister's birthday. Knowing how randomly my mind tracks from one thought to the next I could have been thinking about the cold or the rain or that my favorite color is purple.

Twenty-five years ago... yes that is a quarter of a century ago... I asked for God to forgive me and for Jesus to be Lord of my life.


My story...

I was 6 years old and in the first grade. At the time we were living in a 2 bedroom duplex near the airport in St. Louis. My dad had recently gotten out of the Air Force and was trying to find full-time employment so we were moving around quite a bit.

In the weeks leading up to THE BIGGEST DECISION OF MY LIFE, my mother's grandmother had passed away. For an analytical 6 year old child, there were questions about death and heaven and hell. My mother would answer my questions, and then she allowed me the time to think on the answer.

I am a very blessed girl because I had Godly parents that made sure I was in church every Sunday from the time I came home from the hospital. I knew who God was. I knew that Jesus Christ was the Son of God. I knew that Jesus died on a cross because He loved me.

At one point I made the comment to my mother that if we all died I'd be the only one not to go to heaven. I knew that I did not have the relationship with God that I needed in order to spend eternity with Him and my family.

I don't remember my mother's grandmother dying or the funeral. I don't remember all the questions I asked or the things I said. But let me tell you what I do remember...

One night I was getting ready for bed. It was a normal night in the middle of the week. I brushed my teeth and went to say goodnight to my mom with my shadow of a little sister right on my heels. As I walked into the living room, I remember saying "Mom, I want to get saved." I knelt on my knees at the coffee table and I prayed. I prayed that God would forgive me for my sins and that Jesus would be Lord of my life.

It was that simple.

I've heard Christians say that children can't get saved. I did. Religion sometimes puts so many complications on salvation. But it doesn't have to be complicated. It isn't complicated.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved." Romans 10:9.

Sometimes I start to believe that my testimony isn't very powerful. I haven't experienced tragedy or great loss. I've not suffered through addictions or a long list of unhealthy relationships. I don't have a story about how horrible my life was before I turned it over to God.

What my testimony does say is believe that Jesus loves you; believe in His death and resurrection; confess your need for Him; and you too can spend eternity with Christ.

I don't think I could have survived the ups and downs of life without my relationship with Christ to carry me through it. My faith is sometimes the only thing that gets me up in the morning. My faith has led me to a life of service through Social Work. And I will testify that I am enormously blessed because of the decision I made that night twenty-five years ago.

HAPPY SPIRITUAL BIRTHDAY!

I'm Anyone

"Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Guess what?! I'm anyone...

At the beginning of the year I posed the question will this be the one? I found myself at a standstill in my relationship with God. I prayed that this new year would ultimately bring me to a new level in my relationship with Christ.

Unfortunately, the last several weeks have been one blow after another. I feel like I'm under attack, and I'm exhausted! It has come from all different directions... emotionally, mentally, financially, socially, physically... and it repeats itself a few times. 

Despite my struggle to not let anyone know details of my life and my extreme fear of being vulnerable, here I am writing and sharing my sadness and discouragement with my readers... but more importantly declaring the devil will not win!


What am I doing???

Distress causes me a lot of problems with eating and sleeping. Whether it's from God or Satan, when I'm awakened at 4 a.m. I instantly start praying. I pray that God takes the pain from me, but if He doesn't that it's used to make me more like Him. I pray for whoever is on my mind when I immediately awake hoping that they allow God to meet their need. If my mind still refuses rest, I get up and spend the next few hours reading and writing and praying. I can testify that it has helped me to be extra prepared for the battles of the day.

"God don't let my pain be wasted. Use it to conform me to your image."

Ironically (okay not ironically but by grand design), I have been doing a Bible study by Linda Dillow called "Calm My Anxious Heart." Let go of my worry and fear... how?! Find contentment in my circumstances... are you serious?!

It's a daily struggle, especially with Satan's persistence, to practice what I am learning. I have typed important scriptures and reminders in my phone from these lessons. Every time I become overwhelmed with circumstances, I read the notes and remind myself to be content in any situation, to focus on the positives, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

In my latest blog 'one breath at a time', I talked about trying to just get through the day. I may start the day ready to conquer Satan's darts but halfway through I begin to falter. The only thing I can do during this time of battle is to take one step at a time... "Lord am I in Your will now?"

Another coincidence (not) is that the UCB Word for Today has been publishing a series this week on winning your personal war with Satan using the following outline:
     - Be self-controlled and alert. 1 Peter 5:8
     - Submit yourselves to God. James 4:7
     - Resist the devil... he will flee from you. James 4:7
     - Come near to God and He will come near to you. James 4:8
     - Wash your hands, you sinners. James 4:8


My number one defense against Satan is to immerse myself in my Lord. While I'm afriad of what might happen next, I fight for the hope. The hope is found in the thoughts the Lord has toward me for peace, not evil (Jeremiah 29:11).

I have a scripture on my wall as I walk out the front door that says, "Be not afraid not dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's" 2 Chronicles 20:15. It is my reminder that today's battle is not mine to fight and control. Because He is Lord of my life, He will fight the battle. Today's battle is just a small one in the war between God and Satan... And I know who wins the war!

"But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy."

 

One Breath at a Time

The theme of the day... one breath at a time.

A very close friend of mine returned to work this week after her dream of becoming a mother finally came true. She is heartbroken at the thought of leaving her baby girl with a babysitter, and trying to come to terms that, at least for now, it is not God's plan for her be a stay at home mom. Because I'm not a mother, I can only imagine the pain she must be feeling.

I noticed someone make a comment to her "Take it one day at a time, some days are as little as one breath at a time." And I began thinking...

How many times have I heard someone say 'I just want to know God's plan for my life.' We all want a divine revelation about what the future holds so that we know the exact step we should take next in order to get there. And following this expression of frustration, I've often given the advice to be in God's will today. If you are in His will today; you will move on into His will tomorrow; and before you know it you will be smack in the middle of God's plan for your life.

I believe this is exactly what my new momma friend sought to accomplish. She and her husband sought the Lord's will to become parents for years. Unable to conceive a child they began praying and searching for His divine plan. There's no doubt it was a daily search. And that daily seeking of Him brought them straight into His plan... adopting Baby BB.

However, this concept of one breath at a time, struck a chord. I am beyond overwhelmed with my job this week. My brain is running at warp speed. (I think my superpower is having the brain activity of two or three people!)

In the UCB's Word for Today, the author talks about praying for God's will every two or three minutes. This brings reality to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17). The prayers that can be whispered to God any where, any time, are the ones that get us through the tough days. And they not only keep us in His will from day to day, but from moment to moment.

I remember a time in my life that my conversations with God were constant; and I want to return there. While I'm attempting to hurry through the line at the grocery store, I can thank Him for the ability to buy those comfort foods! As I'm sitting in a difficult meeting, I can ask God to let my words speak grace and mercy to both those easy and those difficult in the room.

As life overwhelms me, I am challenged with this new concept to not only be in His will today, but to be in His will this moment. "Some days are as little as one breath at a time..."

The Fear Trap

"The fear of man is a snare: but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected." ~Proverbs 29:25

Satan would love for me to live in fear... fear that money will run out before the end of the month... fear that loved ones will be taken away... fear that a strange noise outside the house at night is a lurking serial killer... fear that I'll never have my own family... fear of how something I said may have been received... fear that I've brought home parasitic insects from a client's house... fear that if I allow myself to be happy I will only end up in pain...

"For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment." ~2 Timothy 1:7

Fear is a trap laid by a very skilled hunter. It holds me back from experiencing true joy and perfect peace. It leads me to poor judgment. And, I begin using anger to mask it.

If I truly TRUST God is who He says He is, there is no room for fear. He is my Father, my Friend, my Counselor, my Savior, my Protector, my Provider... my ALL. He will keep me safe. He will give me strength.

"Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength." ~Isaiah 26:4

Roller Coaster

Watch at your own risk!

 

I have a tendency to get caught up in contemplating the 'what ifs' that can happen in my life.

The emotions launch me into a roller coaster. As my car climbs the first incline, anticipation and excitement builds. Suddenly, I crest the top of the railroad mountain to find pure terror waiting for me. My heart drops to my stomach, and I scream. The car jerks me to the right with laughter and joy, only to unexpectedly move left with fear. For kicks and thrills, someone has thrown in a few vertical loops, which has always been my favorite part of the ride!

The entire ride I find myself disoriented. I'm not sure what to expect next.

As I started my week yesterday, with the voice in my head screaming 'I don't wanna!', the Lord revealed my theme for the week:

"You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You."

Isaiah 26:3

 

"Commit your activities to the Lord, and your plans will be achieved."

Proverbs 16:3

Emotions are so unpredictable, especially mine. So as I pray for God to calm my anxious heart, I remember to focus my activities on fulfilling His purpose. If I do that, the 'what ifs' in my future will be His. If I do that, I will find perfect peace.

One Year Down

A year ago I started a new journey. In hopes of renewing my love of writing, I decided to start a blog. I have been pleasantly surprised at how well it has gone and proud that I was able to stick with it for a whole year.

As I've learned a little bit about blogging I have tweaked my writing style so that hopefully it's easier to read. I've encountered some very encouraging people that have been faithful in reading my ramblings, and I've been pleasantly surprised by a few that say they keep up with it. 

Even though it's great to know that I've been able to encourage a few people, I want to keep in mind the reason I started writing in the first place. You can read my very first blog here. This has become my own therapeutic outlet, and helping others is just a side benefit.

Over the last year I have written about daily activities and stressful events. I've allowed myself to be vulnerable in sharing lessons God is teaching me. I started a little series on my thoughts about being a single woman. And I continue to share my thoughts about self-value and beauty.

Some of the topics have developed over time. At times it seems I can't get my thoughts into the computer fast enough. Other times I have topics started but I can't quite get them to a point that they're ready to be posted.

So do I continue for another year... Why not?! I imagine it will be a lot of the same, but I'm okay with that. I'm still growing and learning; I continue to struggle with vulnerability, but it's a battle I need to win; and I want to connect with more people that may be just like me.

If you're reading this Thank You for sticking with me. And now we continue....

This Morning's Thoughts

I wrote this in my journal this morning and then thought it might be worth sharing...

Proverbs 14:26
In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.

I need refuge today as I fear what the consequences may be for my actions. Lord knows I hate to be in trouble and sometimes my own guilt is worse than the discipline I might receive. As a child of God I have confidence that He is in control. No matter what happens today... despite my mistakes... He will work out His plan.

Will This Be The One

2013! A new year! Hopefully, I'm not the only one that thinks that sounds strange.

The idea of a new year has been consuming my thoughts. "New" indicates change. Change is very difficult for me; good or bad it can be stressful. But I feel I'm at a point in my life that I want change to happen.

I want to continue moving forward. I want to grow. I do not want to remain the same or to become complacent with where I am at in life.

In my devotion a few weeks ago, the question was asked "What was the year that changed your life?" What year brought divine revelations that forever changed your relationship with Christ? Have you had one yet?

"Pray this is one." Pray this is the year that you will be forever changed.

I am not one to declare new year's resolutions; but I do know I want to be better. I want to be a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend, a better supervisor, a better listener, a better helper, a better giver... a better Christian. I want to be full of joy.

The way I will be "better" is to draw closer to God and to lose myself in His will. It is there that I will find peace, comfort, and joy, no matter what happens.

"Happy are the people whose God is Yahweh."

Psalms 144:15

 

"...and the one who trusts in the Lord will be happy."

Proverbs 16:20

 

"I have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete."

John 15:11

 

If anyone asks what I hope to accomplish this year, my only hope is that I am able to complete God's will for me every day.

Where's Jesus?

"You will call to Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:12-13

These verses were emailed to me by a friend this morning. I liked them so I posted them on facebook.

Then I started thinking... Search for Jesus. How? With child-like enthusiasm!

When we were kids we used to get those Highlight magazines full of activities. Hidden pictures was always a big favorite. It's self explanatory; you had to find the hidden objects in the picture.

Or maybe you were a child who loved 'Where's Waldo?'

The minor league baseball team here in town started a new game this year between innings of 'Where's Waldo?' Excitedly everyone searches the stands to be the first to find the silly guy dressed in red and white stripes.

Screaming, "There he is!" you start pointing.

There's Waldo sitting in the open (not hiding in the bathroom) waiting for you to find him.

Jesus isn't hiding either. He may be sitting right next to you. He may be the guy in line behind you to get a ballpark hot dog. But if you aren't looking, you won't find Him.

If you are enthusiastically searching to find Jesus today, you will. I'm kind of excited for the challenge, much like I was when the new Highlight magazine arrived in the mail.

Turning the Christmas Corner

I heard a TV anchor this morning ask, "Aren't you sad Christmas is over?"

"NO!!!" I replied; not that he could hear me.

It's not a secret that I'm not a fan of Christmas. I know it almost sounds blasphemous that a Christian say "I don't like Christmas." After all it is the celebration of the birth of Christ, my Savior. It is the greatest demonstration of love. God sent His Son to become flesh, live a sinless life as a human, and then sacrifice His life so that I can have a personal relationship with Him.

As a Christian my soul rejoices that I have a heavenly Father that loves me that much, but during this season even Christians lose focus. 

Between my last blog on the Thanksgiving Challenge and the state of my Christmas blues, I feel a little unstable. It's not that I go straight from joyful to depressed in a matter of a day or two. It's a process. After Thanksgiving has passed, I slowly begin to fade.

The pressure of the Christmas season drains me of all energy.

The calendar shows the hectic schedule of one Christmas party after another.

No doubt the high sugar intake from all these parties contributes to feelings of lethargy as my body is trying to process all the extra calories.

Society places so much emphasis on gifts that it is hard not to get caught up in the commercialism. There are so many important and cherished people in my life I would love nothing more than to get them the gifts they want and truly deserve.

Unfortunately, this leads to the problem of my financial situation... I can't.

In addition to all of this, my job of helping people 365 days a year demands extra of me during the holidays. Extra is hard when the fuel tank is already on empty.

Ovewhelmed? Yes! I want to solve all problems. I want to give special people what they deserve. I want to let anyone and everyone close to me know how much I cherish and love them. Society tells me that to do that I need money. Ugh!

The realization of my disheartened state seems to come too late.

Once I've realized how all the pressure has effected my personal state, I can begin to work out of it. Those same people I cherish and wish I could do more for at this time of year have stepped up the challenge of helping me feel better (which means I'm even more indebted to them.) God calls me to check my focus and not lose sight of what's most important... Him.

Alas I turn a corner. Christmas is now over and I can move on to my "normal" (whatever that is) routine, thankful God hasn't given up on me.

Thanks Givings Challenge

November is officially over, the time of year that everybody looks at the blessings in their lives. People make a conscious effort to stop and thank God for what is good. From grace to trials; from children to parents; from sunshine to cold rain. There is beauty all around and for one month out of the year even the bad can be good.

I enjoy it. Some may call me a sap, a wimp, or too soft-hearted, but when I can feel the genuine gratitude from someone it can bring tears to my eyes. I have one cousin in particular that has blessed me this month with her thankful posts because her gratitude comes from deep in her heart. I know she means it, and without knowing it she has challenged me to dig a little deeper.

Here are the basics: I'm thankful for Godly parents; I'm thankful for my house; I'm definitely thankful for my car; every day I'm thankful for food (those that know me know just how much this is true); I'm thankful for my church; I'm thankful for friends that love me despite my faults; and, especially dear to my heart, I'm thankful for my four legged children.

However, here is the first challenge: Be thankful for the things below the surface. Can I be even more specific about the blesssings in my life?

I'm not just thankful for my parents; I'm thankful for the childhood they provided me. Every day I come in contact with people who had absent parents that provided no structure; or helicopter parents that rescued them from having to solve any of their own problems; or parents that used punishment out of anger rather than discipline out of love. They taught me the value of hardwork while allowing me to be a child. And as an adult, I will always have the support and help of my parents. I am beyond blesssed.

Many people say they are thankful for the roof over their head. What about all the items under that roof? The Lord has given me the opportunity to own my home. It is a simple and old home that has its quirks, and I definitely fill up every space in it. I have been able to furnish it with couches, tables, beds, and dressers. The closets are full of clothes and lots of shoes ;-) The plants have managed to stay alive. I'm thankful for the washer and dryer that keep my clothes clean, a vacuum and broom that pick up dirt off the floor (at least when they're put to use), and hot water for showers and dirty dishes. It may be strange to some people to be thankful for these things, but they shouldn't be taken for granted!

My car... It's paid off so I'm grateful for no car payment! It's comfortable and rarely has problems beyond regular maintenance. Yes it burns oil, but I'm able to keep up with regular oil changes. I guess I should put a plug in here for my amazing mechanic. Since he knows my financial situation, he tries to keep me prepared for any upcoming expenses. This car has assisted me in meeting the requirements of my job all over the state. And it has taken me and friends on many trips. Here's to hoping it sticks around for a little while!

I have a church family that believes in the mission of touching lives. We do not claim to be perfect; we are a body of sinners, saved by grace. I grew up in church; however, I've never seen so much passion in one place. I've had the privilege of watching miracles happen in people's lives through the ministry of my church.

Friends are very special to me. I wrote about different types of friends and their purpose here.  The handful of roots in my life really help shape who I am. There are friends I can count on to pray for me; there are some friends that get to see my goofy side and share my strange sense of humor; there are a few people that I can share my soul with; and their are those that are only around for a season. My friends help make my life rich, even the leaves.

Fur children definitely bring happiness to life. No one is as excited to see me as they are when I walk in the door. The wagging tails, purring hearts, and hugs around my legs are some of the best 'I love you's!' in the entire world. It doesn't matter if my hair is a mess or I've had a bad day; they love me no matter what!

 

I hope you're getting the idea.

In addition to going beyond the surface, the second challenge is to be thankful for the trials.

One day a friend wrote "I'm thankful for trials and tribulations." How many can say this and truly mean it?

I'll say it... it's hard! I woke up this morning still mad about some things I was thinking about last night. People I thought were... well they aren't. My throat hurts. And being a woman just plain sucks about once per month. I want to complain, not be thankful.

Hindsight often shows me purpose in a problem. Broken relationships have often brought to light things I need to change about myself and they have also proven that I have some positive attributes.

It's easier to be thankful for lessons learned after I've learned them. But, can I be thankful during the trial? God promises to never give me more than I can handle. Trials produce patience and endurance so that I can become "mature and complete, lacking nothing." My God promises never to leave me.

I'm thankful that I'm not in control of the circumstances in my life. Even when I feel there are things to complain about, there are positives to be found in every day.

The final Thanks Givings Challenge I have is... let's do it for the entire year!

Thanksgiving Day is my favorite holiday. It is a holiday with meaning and purpose. There is no pressure to buy presents in order to make others happy. I don't have to analyze and refigure my budgets to avoid leaving out anyone. For the most part, we spend time with family and we EAT!

As much happiness as this holiday brings me, it is one weekend out of the year. The family I'm thankful for in November is the same family I should be thankful for in April. The house and hot water that serves me in November, keeps me cool and sheltered in July. The car that transfered me from Springfield to Republic repeatedly last week, will take me from Springfield to Fair Grove next week. And fur babies, I'm always thankful for cuddles from them whether it's January, June, or September :-)

Let me also point out that thankfulness has proven benefits for your mental and physical health. It can help with depression, stress, blood pressure, sleep patterns, and improving relationships. I challenge you to keep life in perspective with grateful hearts!

I'm Alive!!!

Sometimes it's necessary to be thankful for the small things, or big things depending on how you look at it.

Nothing ruins the holidays quite like social work and spending all your energy trying to help others make it through them. So as I fly all around the county today, I'm going to be thankful that I'm alive!

Single Woman: Spoiled for a Reason

 

 

Yep, it's all his fault!!!

When people accused my dad of spoiling my sister or I, my dad always said "I spoil you for a reason." He spoiled us with the expectation that we would require the same treatment from men that we dated and any man that we would eventually marry.

To this day, my dad still tries to take care of me. I know he's ready to pass off the torch to someone else, but until then he is the man in my life. The next man has to be able and willing to spoil me too!

The Challenge to Change

"If it doesn't challenge you it doesn't change you."

I read this on a facebook post today, and I don't want it to be true.

I am a work in progress. Every day provides a different challenge and a new opportunity for growing into a better person. However, it's not always easy to meet the challenge with an open heart and an open mind. Sometimes it's just painful.

In those moments of pain it can be hard to discern between the voice of the Holy Spirit revealing my sin and the emotional abuse of Satan telling me I'm worthless. The Holy Spirit is challenging me to not become complacent with my life; I am destined to be greater! Satan would absolutely hate that so he combats it by constantly reminding me that I'm not worthy.

The choice is now mine. Do I choose to believe God unconditionally loves me and desires me to come closer to Him so that I can be a positive influence on others? Or, do I choose to continue down a self-destructive path of demeaning myself, lessening my value, and negatively impacting the world around me?

 

 

"Yet Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay, and You are our potter; we all are the work of your hands." Isaiah 64:8